(This is sort of a sequel to a post I did before. & Jonathan has been waiting rather impatiently for me to post it.)
1.) I’m still getting used to the oh-so-wonderful feeling I get when I come home to see that my husband has cleaned the bathroom (my most dreaded household chore), or did the dishes, or put the linens on the bed, or folded the laundry. There is nothing like it.
2.) I’m still getting used to being referred to as “wife” & calling Jonathan my “husband,” out of sheer disbelief & giddiness that that is actually my title in this relationship.
3.) I’m still getting used my husband’s sex drive, which is several decibels higher than my own.
4.) I’m still getting used to the bluntness & ridiculous openness in our relationship. Example:
Jonathan: Do you smell that?
Me: What?
Jonathan [smelling me]: Babe, I think your pits kind of smell.
Me: No they don’t! I took a shower last night.
Jonathan: Then where is it coming from? I’m smelling something, & it’s coming from you. Let me smell your pits.
Me: Are you kidding me? Absolutely not!
Jonathan: Baby…
Me: No! Leave me alone! It’s not coming from me! It’s probably coming from you.
Jonathan: Honey, it’s okay. We all stink a little bit sometimes. It’s natural. Let me smell you.
Me: No!!! Go away!
Jonathan: Babe, I’m your husband! Don’t you trust me?
Me: …Well, yes. I guess so.
Jonathan: Well then let me–
Me: Alright, alright already! Here…”
Jonathan [sniffs]: See? Now how difficult was that? & it wasn’t you smelling after all!
5.) I am still getting used to the idea of sharing my sleeping space. No longer can I sleep free & spread out like a starfish. I am confined to a small vertical space right next to my husband, where he usually is taking up most of the room & most of the covers. & during the summer months, when it’s like a sauna in our room, he chooses those miserable moments to snuggle as close to me a possible, making me perspire with heat. I literally wake up squirming to the edge of the bed, nearly falling off, while panting & craving water. (I am only exaggerating a little bit, believe me.)
6.) I’m still getting used to being treated with the utmost respect & love.
7.) I’m still getting used to the lack of personal space I have daily.
8.) I’m still getting used to the idea that I have in-laws: four sisters, 1 little brother, & a delightful mother & father, to be exact.
9.) I’m still getting used to the face my husband makes when he bites into a dish I just cooked for us. His eyes sort of roll in the back of his head, as his face depicts expressions of divinity mixed with a bit of arousal. Sometimes I cook specific dishes just so I can see that face.
10.) I’m still getting used to being Jonathan’s “buddy.” As in the Jeet-Kune-Do practicing, the UFC-watching, the video-game-playing, the cheering-him-on-as-he-does-pull-ups-to-impress-me kind of buddy.
11.) I’m still getting using to Jonathan’s huge & most recent decision to be self-employed.
12.) I’m still getting used to cohabiting with a boy. The belching, the farting, the smelling socks, the incredible amount of food that is eaten in this house, & hair in the sink after shaving are part of this ongoing adaptation, as well.
13.) I’m still getting used to the raised eyebrows & incredulous smirks people give when they find out I’m married. For instance:
Tire Guy: You’re Jonathan, owner of the Camry…?
Me: Yeah, that’s my car. My husband just put it in his name when he made the appointment.
Tire Guy: Whoa, whoa, whoa… You’re married?!
Me: Yes I am.
Tire Guy: Damn. & how old are you?
Me: Almost 22.
Tire Guy: Well how long have you been married??
Me: It’ll be 2 years in December.
Tire Guy [handing me my keys]: Daaaaamn!!!
& I drive away thinking, “Moron.”
14.) I’m still getting used to the fact that my husband truly does find me beautiful, amazing, & intelligent. It’s a bit hard to believe, what with my cellulite, my stupid questions, my over-emotional tendencies, my stubbornness, my hyperactive imagination, my slightly out of control shopping habit, & my rather obnoxious infatuation with Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
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Q: what are you still getting used to in your marriage/relationship?
Cute post!
yay! i love this post! i can’t wait to be married! marriage is so often portrayed in such a negative light by the media- even if they are only kidding (especially by men)its kind of a downer sometimes. there is this stigma that like married people 1. are boring, 2. fight a lot 3. stop having sex and 4. wish they were single.
it is so refreshing to get a real-life look into marriage and see that it is charming and endearing and comfortable and exciting and happy.
thank you :)
I am in serious disbelief that anyone else has husband who says, “I think I smell your B.O.” Seriously. It’s just gross.
I am still getting used to extreme emotions. Mike can make me angrier than anyone else in the world can, or happier than anyone else can.
It’s crazy.
I’ve been married for 7 yrs and I have some of these too. Re your #9 – I wish I could do this for my hubby, need cooking lessons. and #1 is my favorite thing! :)
I love this post and enjoyed it. :)
Tyler and I have the same BO conversation, haha. I’m glad we’re not the only ones.
I’m still not used to calling him my husband. Typing that is no problem at all but saying it in person or even signing it. It almost makes me feel like I’m playing dress up as a little girl and pretending to be grown up and married.
I love this post. You can feel the love between you and Jonathan. In my relationship, I think I’m still getting used to accepting him for who he is and letting my control issues go.
2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 9 are all things I’m still adjusting to, as well, and we’ve been living together for a year and been married two months. There are things that I hope I never get used to, like him being happy to see me when he gets off work and him always wanting me to be around (even if he’s going out with the guys). The biggest adjustment is your number 14 – believing that my husband REALLY DOES think I’m the hottest woman on the planet (insider and outside) and that he laughs any time I get insecure. Not because he thinks I’m being stupid, but because he can’t imagine a circumstance I would have to worry about that in.
Also – We’ve taken the burping and farting in front of each other thing to the next level. Shortly after we got married, we stopped closing the bathroom door for quick stops in. TMI, I know, but just so you can see what you have to look forward to. :3
that no matter how many mistakes i’ve made/make he’ll always be there to love me no matter what happens. I never knew that love could be so forgiving but at the same time it hurts to be forgiven, even more than to be called names. But at the same time when you’re in love, the world seems just a little bit more brighter…a little bit more hope is born. :-)
I’m not married, but we live together, and I think the thing that I need to remember most is that my words and actions have such a great affect on someone else. It’s easy to be careless; yet, I know how much his words affect me. I suppose I’m still working on being aware of my own actions and taking care of someone else. A tough lesson, but a huge gift. I’m also LOVING waking up with somone else, every day, and getting snuggled. I love that part :)
I’m still getting used to having unconditional love.
I’m still getting used to my bf’s language of love. He loves cuddling and kissing and I’m not like that.
I’m still getting used to not being selfish.
I’m still getting used to his rough facial hair pricking my skin. He doesn’t like shaving. says it hurts.. but he needs to shave everyday in my book.
I’m still getting used to someone telling me I love you every time we speak and meet. It still melts my heart.
I’m still getting used to being a muslim.
I’m still getting used to hearing a foreign language daily.. Turkish.
I meant getting used to being with a Muslim.. lol!
I’m still getting used to my husband’s vocabulary. He’s English and I’m American and he uses different words than me.
I’m still getting used to being a step-mom. My husband has a son from his first marriage.
I’m still getting used to the fact that our sleeping habits are much different. (I like to go to bed rather early, while he likes to stay up all night.)
I’m still getting used to being in an argument one minute and being completely over it the next minute.
I’m still getting used to any arguing, period. (We rarely argued until well after we got married.)
And today? Someone at work said, “I can’t believe you’re married. You’re too young.” I said, “I’ll be twenty-one in December.” He said, “No way! You’ve got to be, like, fifteen!” Seriously.
um i love this post so much.
i too have to get used to when matt surprises me by cleaning something up, i love it.
i’m still getting used to his tendency to put random stuff in random places, i have started calling him the easter bunny.
and i’m still getting used to having a boy by my side. three years later and i still can’t get over it. :)
Thank goodness I’m not the only one who is still getting used to sharing the sleeping space. Every now and then I catch myself thinking, “I wish I could sleep in a bed on my own again. I wish I could spread out in the middle and get all burrito-d up in the sheets by myself.” Don’t get me wrong — obviously I love sleeping next to someone I love. But still. It’s the surrendering of the idea, of the habit, that is difficult.
Still adjusting to errant body hairs on the soap…actually, I don’t think I’ll ever adjust to that. LOL
I’m also adjusting to the fact that dudeguy will love me no matter how insane I get in moments of irritation/hunger/ill-temper/laziness.
so sweet!!!! i am still getting used to the fact that men are just so completely different from women in how they do things and prioritize things in the house..=) married over 3 years now and living together for almost 6! still surprises..
This is great!I’m not in a relationship, but these posts make me want one desperately. I have a male roommate that leaves his hair in the sink, but it’s just not the same.
What a beautiful post. Although Andrew and I aren’t married (yet), after almost six years of being together, I related to a lot of these points. Number four, especially. =) Sometimes it’s almost silly how comfortable I can feel with him, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Omg the sweating in bed thing I HATE IT! Michael is like a human hotbox.
I actually could probably compose my own slightly similar list. (maybe I will?)
Although my boyfriend and I cohabitate (and are not quite married) I totally related to this post. Especially about the shared sleeping space (and otherwise) and coming home to nice surprises. I always heard how “hard” living together could be, but I don’t think I’ve been this happy or comfortable in years.
This is really funny and so true. I’ve only been married for a year so you can imagine some of the things I’m still trying to get use to & I’m only 20 so I have a lot of those tire guy type experiences.
I can relate to most points in your list, other than I was raised with all brothers so hubby is the one who had to adjust to the farting… I still totally sleep like a starfish, just now I’m stretched out on top of him… marriage is a lot of fun, with ups and downs of course… thanks for your honesty and positive outlook. I heart your posts.
This is such a sweet post!
I’m still getting used to helping him with things, Mister has a tendency to not eat and get really, really irritable and I’m not used to being a parent about it and always reminding him. But it’s that or he’s a big crank, so… lol
I’m still getting used to his AWFUL eating habits, and the way I let them influence my eating habits. It’s an ongoing battle. I am determined to win this one.
(PS Guess what arrived safe and sound?!?!?! Thank you post forthcoming!!!)
:)
I am still getting used to…
…having someone I can talk to about anything in the world, trivial or grave.
…working from home with him–we’ve been doing it over a year, and there are still bumps to be ironed out
…monitoring how I respond to things–it doesn’t affect just me anymore
…reminding a certain someone that deodorant is probably a handy thing to use. Daily.
Married to hubby for over 3 yrs now, and completely used to & comfortable with everything except the idea of having children. Terrifies me.
You and your husband sound like you have so much love between you! So, so great.
I’m still getting used to…
…not being so selfish with my time and social calendar – and STAYING IN because my boyfriend wants quiet time together.
…dating someone with a kid. It still scares me to death, it still makes me melt, it still takes my breath away.
…how dang handsome my boyfriend is. Just last night I was out and about without him, and while other guys were talking to me, I looked around the room and just thought to myself – none of these guys are as HOT as my boy! Now that’s a good feeling. ;)
It’s only been two weeks so I’m having trouble being a Mrs. still! After living with the Mister for over a year now, I’m still getting used to his bathroom routine, our apathy to cleaning, and shopping for two.
The fact that we are going to be OK. I have this quiet peace after my husband and I have had a bad fight and in a few hours are taking pictures of each other sporting a fake handle-bar mustache, laughing like children (true story).
I think Ashley said it best: “I am still getting used to extreme emotions. Mike can make me angrier than anyone else in the world can, or happier than anyone else can.” That is one thing that is very, very true with Jay and I.
Ev’Yan, this is an incredibly insightful and “real” post – thank you for sharing. It’s so refreshing to hear an honest perspective on marriage – and I know I can always count on you to be exactly that way. I think you may have inspired a future post of mine!
Ev’Yan, in a previous post you have mentioned dealing with depression. (I am still looking for the perfect verb for that last sentence; “dealing” is woefully inadequate.)
Sixteen years into marriage(19 years into the relationship)my Mother and My Grandmother (my second mother) passed within a year of each other, and for the last nine months the biggest part of my energy goes into not drowning in depression or being choked by anxiety. (Yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and am on meds.)
The part I am still getting used to? That when John married me “for better for worse, in sickness and in health” HE MEANT IT. More than once he has looked me in the eyes and reassured me that he is here for the rest of our lives. The love I feel when I am waking up from a bad dream because John is holding me in his arms, kissing me softly on the face and head, all while praying for me is nothing short of amazing.
And your comment on the buddy thing shows wisdom beyond your years. When John and I met, I was twenty six, and I decided I’d try anything once, within reason. (Ex: women like us with anxiety orders get a free pass on bungee jumping and skydiving.) As a result, over the years I have come enjoy backpacking, trout fishing, flats fishing in the Florida Keys, (all catch and release!) skeet shooting, riding my very own ATV. The biggest surprise? Three years ago he asked me to spend one season watching SEC college football. (Thank God he is not a sports junkie). So I agreed, and now it is a major buddy thing for us, and in fact, I start counting down the days to the fall kick-off sometime in July.
One unexpected buddy benefit: Because I have truly tried so many activities with him, I was able to draw the line at trying deer hunting (I know, I know, I am a vegetarian, too) and he understood. So he bonds with the guys over hunting and I get time to spend alone or with my girls. (I have learned that animal respecting/loving hunters spent much more time “taking their guns for walks” than they do actually using them. They let immature deer pass them by, and sometimes the sheer beauty of a proud male with a full rack {lots of antlers}is just too powerful and majestic to do anything other than appreciate the honor of seeing him.)
Before I write a book, I want to say that I am pleased to see young women who seem to be understanding critical components of marriage that many women our forties missed the first time around. I HIGHLY recommend two books that were and continue to be eye openers for me:
“His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair Proof Marriage” by William F Harley, Jr. He discusses the “buddy thing” – guys really need this type of closeness from their wives; I had NO idea. Also, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You can be “telling” your husband you love him all day long, but if you are talking in your non-verbal languages, not his, he does not hear you. Recipe for disaster, I can assure you.
Thanks for an honest, touching post!!
Oh my God, that pit conversation made me laugh out loud!
i love your list. makes me smile :)
not in a relationship yet but i think marriage is totally achievable..
He loves you soooooooo much if he wants to smell your pits! That’s the true test.
Having a pretty much automatic “Plus one,” to work events, weddings, and dinner parties. Kind of wonderful.
thank you for reminding me of what I can look forward to, one day.
but for now, I am healing from a recent breakup… and I know what I am worth. :)
Thanks again for the beautiful post.
I’m still getting used to being single, even though it has been quite a while now.
Ohh I am with you on the sleeping thing. My boyfriend and I recently started living together and it has taken quite a bit of time to try and get used to that. He’s a cuddly sleeper and I am not (usually). Plus his big man body is like a human furnace.
I’m getting used to someone that compliments me so well. Someone that has enough patience & desire to really learn what makes me tick & how I work.
I love this post & I hope I get to meet Jonathan one day. Such beautiful people, through & through!
this was such a cute post!
i recently starting seeing someone, and the #1 thing on my list is exactly what you said: “getting used to the lack of personal space I have daily.”
Its weird, but when youre alone, you take for granted all the time you have to yourself. And then when youre with someone else, you both want to constantly be together. i think theres a bit of give and take there.
love your blog, i’ll definitely be bak to read more. :)
It’s sad to say that with all the cute and endearing things you mention about being married, I focused on you writing that you have cellulite. Really? Anyway good stuff and it sounds like married life agrees with you.
I adore this post. I just moved in with my boyfriend about a month and a half ago, and I feel the same way. :)
ha. this was awesome to read. i’ve been married 5 years (dated her for 5 years before that) and i’m still so happy and in love. we have an 11 month old and another one in the oven! now i’m getting used to completely different things. ha!
With 4 kids and just out of our 20′s, I’m still getting used to people saying… wait, you have HOW MANY kids?!! Pretty much everything else in your list, you never *really* get used to. (and that’s a good thing!)
Ah, this is beautiful! I’ve been married a year (2nd marriage for both of us). My first time I got used to the beautiful fact that most men think their wives are gorgeous. They’re easier on us than we are on ourselves. They delight us by thinking we’re beautiful despite the flaws we see in our own bodies. That has not changed and I LOVE it.
I’m still adjusting to:
- the systems my husband has of keeping the house clean
- being woken up by snoring, moving, burping…etc.
- eating so much processed food (and putting on weight because of it)
- the attention to detail my husband has (nothing gets past him)
- the appearances to keep up because he cares a lot about that and I don’t as much
I’m no longer adjusting to:
- regular vacations, I’m used to them now and it’s great. I can’t go more than a month and believe me I rarely went on vacations before. I’d finish a job with hardly any vacation days spent and the ones I took were because my son was sick.
- that my husband is a better cook than I am
- in-laws who I adore and who adore me and gaining 2 nieces and a BIL and SIL who are nicer to me than the past ones and we just get along easier. I spent 8 years feeling like I didn’t fit in my last marriage (though we tried).
- having a husband who is involved in my son’s life and actively tries to make life better for both of us. He wants to spend time together regularly. I love it!
- taking turns getting foot and hand massages while we watch the news each night
- being married and moving to a new city, though those adjustments were tough! 2 new cultures….it’s one thing to date but another to live together….
Wishing you continued joy!
Janet
Love your post. Tomorrow is my 25th wedding anniversary and i can’t believe it… how fast it goes, how good it can be, how poignant at times, how rich, how peaceful, how fun, how much I need to be loved still, how he can make me so happy and so irritated within minutes of each other, and how glad I am I married him.
I had no idea of all the things I would need in my life and how many of the things that attracted me to him are not necessarily on that list.
I am surprised most of all how much I needed balance to my ____-ivenes. Whatever that____ was, he provides such balance for me. For example, my finances would be a shambles without his saving habits, my den would be overun with papers without the Neatnik, and my mothering would never end without his calm hand on my knee when I want to jump up and rescue my grown sons.
I must say one thing that still takes some getting used to is no matter how strong he is, he still needs to be loved unconditionally – just like I do. He is so tender and so easy to please. I forget that at times, and make life so complicated sometimes. I need to just tell him and show him more often that I simply love him. I am also still surprised at how hard it is to say I am sorry – but how quick he is to forgive, and forget – making it all the more sweet.
I could write a book, but think I will go write this in a letter to him instead…
Thanks for the opportunity to share, and for your post. :)
this entry has made me incredibly happy –
i’m seventeen and recently found love for the first time, in my first relationship and it’s lovely to read everyones comments and hear about all the things i have to look forward to :)
the things i’m still getting used to include:
- allowing myself to be vulnerable and intimate with someone
- having someone think i’m beautiful
- being missed and wanted by someone that i miss and want
- the boyfriend lives about 70 miles away and neither of us drive so the distance is something to get used to
- and generally being in love! it’s scarey but exciting :)
This is the sweetest most incredible post ever! You’re so truly blessed and you’re an amazing blogger! Congratulations! P.S. I found your blog through Siddity’s post today, and I subscribed immediately!
Wow. I read this and I feel as if you’re married to my husband! :]
Thank You very much. I’ve been single for a very long time & now won’t be single anymore for much longer. Your post has given me much comfort and the courage to move forward. I sure will miss sleeping like a starfish!