(This is sort of a sequel to a post I did before. & Jonathan has been waiting rather impatiently for me to post it.)
1.) I’m still getting used to the oh-so-wonderful feeling I get when I come home to see that my husband has cleaned the bathroom (my most dreaded household chore), or did the dishes, or put the linens on the bed, or folded the laundry. There is nothing like it.
2.) I’m still getting used to being referred to as “wife” & calling Jonathan my “husband,” out of sheer disbelief & giddiness that that is actually my title in this relationship.
3.) I’m still getting used my husband’s sex drive, which is several decibels higher than my own.
4.) I’m still getting used to the bluntness & ridiculous openness in our relationship. Example:
Jonathan: Do you smell that?
Me: What?
Jonathan [smelling me]: Babe, I think your pits kind of smell.
Me: No they don’t! I took a shower last night.
Jonathan: Then where is it coming from? I’m smelling something, & it’s coming from you. Let me smell your pits.
Me: Are you kidding me? Absolutely not!
Jonathan: Baby…
Me: No! Leave me alone! It’s not coming from me! It’s probably coming from you.
Jonathan: Honey, it’s okay. We all stink a little bit sometimes. It’s natural. Let me smell you.
Me: No!!! Go away!
Jonathan: Babe, I’m your husband! Don’t you trust me?
Me: …Well, yes. I guess so.
Jonathan: Well then let me–
Me: Alright, alright already! Here…”
Jonathan [sniffs]: See? Now how difficult was that? & it wasn’t you smelling after all!
5.) I am still getting used to the idea of sharing my sleeping space. No longer can I sleep free & spread out like a starfish. I am confined to a small vertical space right next to my husband, where he usually is taking up most of the room & most of the covers. & during the summer months, when it’s like a sauna in our room, he chooses those miserable moments to snuggle as close to me a possible, making me perspire with heat. I literally wake up squirming to the edge of the bed, nearly falling off, while panting & craving water. (I am only exaggerating a little bit, believe me.)
6.) I’m still getting used to being treated with the utmost respect & love.
7.) I’m still getting used to the lack of personal space I have daily.
8.) I’m still getting used to the idea that I have in-laws: four sisters, 1 little brother, & a delightful mother & father, to be exact.
9.) I’m still getting used to the face my husband makes when he bites into a dish I just cooked for us. His eyes sort of roll in the back of his head, as his face depicts expressions of divinity mixed with a bit of arousal. Sometimes I cook specific dishes just so I can see that face.
10.) I’m still getting used to being Jonathan’s “buddy.” As in the Jeet-Kune-Do practicing, the UFC-watching, the video-game-playing, the cheering-him-on-as-he-does-pull-ups-to-impress-me kind of buddy.
11.) I’m still getting using to Jonathan’s huge & most recent decision to be self-employed.
12.) I’m still getting used to cohabiting with a boy. The belching, the farting, the smelling socks, the incredible amount of food that is eaten in this house, & hair in the sink after shaving are part of this ongoing adaptation, as well.
13.) I’m still getting used to the raised eyebrows & incredulous smirks people give when they find out I’m married. For instance:
Tire Guy: You’re Jonathan, owner of the Camry…?
Me: Yeah, that’s my car. My husband just put it in his name when he made the appointment.
Tire Guy: Whoa, whoa, whoa… You’re married?!
Me: Yes I am.
Tire Guy: Damn. & how old are you?
Me: Almost 22.
Tire Guy: Well how long have you been married??
Me: It’ll be 2 years in December.
Tire Guy [handing me my keys]: Daaaaamn!!!
& I drive away thinking, “Moron.”
14.) I’m still getting used to the fact that my husband truly does find me beautiful, amazing, & intelligent. It’s a bit hard to believe, what with my cellulite, my stupid questions, my over-emotional tendencies, my stubbornness, my hyperactive imagination, my slightly out of control shopping habit, & my rather obnoxious infatuation with Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
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