“art is literacy of the heart.”

My mother is an artist. She made a name for herself sketching & painting life-sized, elaborate murals for children’s walls & daycare centers. She has painted dozens of pictures on canvasses, which adorned the walls of my childhood home. She sewed clothes for my sister & I, & hand-made all of our Halloween costumes. She would handmake Christmas ornaments every single year, out of cotton balls, popsicle sticks, yarn, glitter, glue, & home-made dough. She made custom corn-husk dolls at one time, & sold them on ebay. Anything my mother puts her mind & heart to turns into pure gold.

Watching my mother constantly create growing up really influenced me. It’s no stretch to say that I wanted to be exactly like my mother. I wanted to create, & sew, & glue. But more than anything… I wanted to paint on a canvas. While I didn’t (& still don’t) have as much talent as my mother in the drawing department — she can free-hand sketch portraits; I draw glorified stick figures — I was determined to at least do ONE painted picture. It was on my list of “things to do before I die.”

So at 15, I painted my first picture, free-hand. It was a picture of a black stiletto & a tube of mascara, appropriately titled “La Stiletto et La Mascara.” I was inspired by an advertisement I saw in a magazine, & I wanted to try to replicate it onto a canvas. While it wasn’t museum worthy, it was a decent attempt, being that it was the very first time I had ever sketched free-hand, & painted on a canvas.

Since my first canvas painting, I’ve made eight pictures; some of them are paintings, but most of them are collages.

I am still trying to establish my painting hand. I’m not nearly as good as my mother, & I will never ever be. But I found that doing “abstract” was the easiest way for me to create a semi-decent picture without me feeling to insecurely. Because, it’s abstract. It’s supposed to be crazy & wild; it’s not supposed to make any sense, other than to the artist. I’m rather fond of abstract paintings because even if it looks awful, I can blame it on being “abstract.” (At least I’m honest.)

People on my blog have asked to see my work, so I’d like to share them with you. If you were to walk into our apartment, you would see these pictures. (& don’t laugh.)

I don’t title any of my paintings; they sort of speak for themselves. I created this one right as I was having a major breakthrough through my anxiety. This painting started out very sad & melancholy, but I turned it around to what I was feel at the time, which was a surge of positive & hopeful energy. There are words scribbled in my messy cursive writing, which says, “easy, lucky, love, bliss, peace, & be FREE.” I was inspired by the song “Easy Lucky Free” by Bright Eyes, which contributed to some of those words. Every time I look at it, I am reminded of how far I’ve come in my anxiety/depression, & I can’t help but smile when I see it.

I couldn’t tell you what this picture means to me; it came to me in a dream. It was originally supposed to be all black, with very little color, but it took a different direction. I would have preferred that it stayed very dark & gloomy, but somehow it didn’t seem appropriate. I want to feel uplifted when I look at pictures, not brought down. (This picture was featured in this post a while ago; I made a lot of changes since then.)

Lastly, this my most recent creation & I am so proud of how it turned out. I finished it yesterday. The photograph doesn’t do this picture justice in the least, but I think the idea is obvious. This picture took me about 2 months to do. I was clipping words & pictures out of magazines & pasting them onto a sheet of long paper. Then, I had Jonathan shred about 20 pieces of paper from old magazines, & I pasted each strip of paper onto the canvas individually. It was tedious, yes, but so much fun. I’m actually quite sad that I finished it, because I was enjoying it so much.

It’s supposed to be very random. The words mean something only when read by the onlooker. & the different strips of paper give it a depth I could have never done on my own. Looking at it close up is the best part, because you can see the contrasting colors against the pictures & the words. I think it’s beautiful.

I’m very modest, so I don’t like boast about my paintings & pictures. But I’m very proud of my work. I love it when someone comes into our apartment & looks at my creations. Even if it makes them want to barf, I’m still proud that they are being looked at, because that is what I created them for.

I shudder at the idea of calling myself an “artist” because I don’t feel as though I’ve earned that title. Artists are Van Gogh, or Picasso, or Escher, or Monet, or Alex Grey, or my mother!

I am just Ev’Yan, & I create from my heart.

:]