I’ve been married for close to 4 years now, & I’d like to think my experiences so far have enlightened me to an almost zen-like appreciation about married life. Whether you’re at work thinking about those you love as you read this list or you’re at home on the couch with them, surfing 77-Diamonds while cuddling up to indulge in this together, I sincerely hope that this post makes you happy. Enjoy!
1.) I’ve learned that it IS possible for men to be like they are perceived in the movies. They can be romantic; they can be sweet; they can be intuitive. & they really do pick flowers for you while they walk home from work.
2.) I’ve learned that my husband is truly the only person that can quiet my overactive & extremely obnoxious hypochondriac tendencies. Example:
Me: Babe! I think I’ve got tooth cancer!!!
Him: No, you don’t.
Me: Well, does this look like a tumor to you? [opens mouth]
Him: No, it doesn’t.
Me: Well, maybe I have a flesh eating disease; do you think so?
Him: … Probably.
Me: Hey! That’s not funny.
3.) I’ve learned that even though a man’s genitals are not very pretty to look at, we can still be friends… with benefits.
4.) I’ve learned that I’ve earned a special right to browse & buy books in the Love/Sex section at the bookstore.
5.) I’ve learned that my husband is usually 20 degrees warmer than myself, & for that, he makes the best foot warmer. Sticking my popsicle toes down his pants (while watching a movie, for example) suffices my freezing feet perfectly.
6.) I’ve learned that in spite of your husband (Jonathan) blatantly wearing a wedding ring, with his wife (me) standing right beside him, people STILL think the wife (me!) is “just a friend” along for the ride. Perhaps it’s because we’re an interracial couple. Nevertheless, there is no valid excuse for ignorance. & we all know what happens when you assume! (As my father says: “You make an ASS out of U & ME.”)
7.) I’ve learned that when my husband does something — be it tightening a screw, slicing potatoes, or opening a jar — he does it slightly better than myself.
8.) I’ve learned that every night is date night. Even if my husband & I are at home, in our pajamas, playing old school Nintendo, while eating chocolate truffles, it is just as thrilling as a night on the town, because there is no where else I’d rather be.
9.) I’ve learned that men’s magazines are just as fascinating as women’s magazines. In fact, I’m the only one that reads them. Jonathan will only look at the pictures, comment on how air-brushed the male models are… & then pick up a book about Eastern philosophy.
10.) I’ve learned that there is nothing more adorable than when you are tickling a man into oblivion; so much that he is giggling, snorting, writhing, & completely red in the face.
11.) I’ve learned that going to bed angry is okay sometimes.
12.) I’ve learned that the smell of my husband’s sweat, combined with his patchouli deodorant from LUSH, is like Heaven to my nostrils. I actually prefer that sweaty smell to cologne.
13.) I’ve learned to apply makeup according to my husband’s specific displays of affection. I know that he likes to put his hands on my cheeks, so I make sure not to wear heavy foundation. I know that he likes to kiss my eyelids, so I know not to wear too much eyeshadow. I know that he cannot pass me by without kissing my lips, so I never wear lipstick/lipgloss.
14.)I’ve learned that my husband’s critique is valued immensely, even if it hurts a little. Example:
Me: Honey, how do I look?
[Jonathan gives me "the look."]
Me: Really? I thought I looked nice…
[Jonathan gives me "the look."]
Me: Alright, already! You don’t have to be nasty about it.
15.) I’ve learned that in spite of me vowing to always remain somewhat lady-like in front of my husband, I can usually out burp him… most of the time.
16.) I’ve learned that my husband really couldn’t care less about Brazilian waxing, thong underwear, or high-heeled shoes. He has been kind enough never to request or allow me to partake in any of those things. For that, my vagina & my feet are forever grateful.
But, all humor aside, the most important thing I have learned from being married is unconditional patience. Especially when it comes to his personal & often daring endeavors. He is now working towards the goal to quit his day job in 90 days to be a full-time blogger & life coach.
Am I nervous about this? Absolutely. But do I trust him? Intimately.