[disclaimer: as serious as I can seem in this blog, I am really very goofy. I laugh at my own jokes & make up silly stories with my overactive imagination. & while I don't fully believe in disclaimers, I felt the need to warn you, if by chance this post comes out of no where. For people who know me, this is just typical Ev'Yan nonsense.]
A few weeks ago, Lover & I watched the movie The Strangers (which features supermodel Gemma Ward as one of the maniacs, if you didn’t know) & I was completely engrossed. Not so much in sheer belief — because I knew it’s just a movie, after all — but because I was so wrapped up in it emotionally. I was absolutely baffled by the decisions this victimized couple have made together while being tormented, & I couldn’t help but wonder things.
Here, I’ll give an example:
The demented bad guy has made his presence known; he’s been in the house, & is making sounds just to mess with the innocent couple. It seems as though he is outside now, planning his next move… & it could be a fatal one.
The attractive boyfriend is in a panic, which is mixed with high levels of roaring testosterone. He looks at his pretty girlfriend — who is near ballistic — & says: “I’ve got to go out there! I’ve gotta settle this once & for all!” He then cocks his rifle & starts for the door.
The pretty girlfriend blurts out incredulously, “What?! You’re leaving me?!! You can’t leave me alone in this house! Are you crazy?! What if he comes back? You CAN’T LEAVE ME!!!” She starts to cry. The attractive boyfriend reassures her in a firm tone, saying: “Get a hold of yourself! I’m coming back, okay? I just need to teach this asshole a lesson. Just wait here & don’t make a sound, okay? I’ll be right back!”
Naturally, those are the last words he utters. There are some sharp screams, a few groans, & alas, he has met his demise. The demented killer will inevitably go after the pretty girlfriend next.
Now, I’m staring at the screen completely dumbfounded. I shout out loud, “He did NOT just leave her in the house! Oh my god, are you kidding me?! He would leave his girlfriend, the love of his bloody life, in the house with that psycho?!”
As I’m getting myself all worked up, I look over at Lover, who hasn’t seemed to have heard me. Again, I start up: “Babe!? Can you believe this mess? This is so jacked up! How could he do such a thing?!” Lover mumbles something in agreement & goes back to watching the movie. (Apparently, I am the only one silly enough to get emotionally involved with the characters in this film.)
Suddenly, I turn to him & I ask right in the middle of the movie, “Honey… would you leave ME there in the house, all alone, with that psycho roaming about?” He looks at me & says “No” … & I believe him.
That is when I decided there needs to be a conversation that wives (or girlfriends) have with their significant others about how a situation might go down if by chance there is a psycho (or a ghost) terrorizing them. Because no one ever talks about these things, & I feel it is just as important as an emergency evacuation plan. It desperately needs to be discussed!
So while the ending credits rolled for the movie, I proceeded to ask my husband these series of questions, just to make sure all bases were covered. I strongly suggest you have this discussion with your lover.
- “If there was a creepy knock on the door at 4 in the morning, would you be manly & answer it, or would you use common sense & ignore it?”
- “If you heard a strange sound coming from the bedroom — which is completely dark — would you proceed to check it out without the proper tools: a flashlight, full body armor, & a loaded gun? Or would you go in nothing but your skivvies, blatantly unprepared?”
- “If you know that the bad guy was creeping around outside, would you try to be the hero & catch him, leaving me alone in the house, or would you stay & protect me?”
- “In the whole scheme of scary events — weird phone calls, scratching noises on the windows, whispering voices, footsteps –would you leave me at all?”
- “What if the bad guy was standing right in front of you, with an axe in one hand & the head of one of our friends in the other… would you calmly ask, ‘What do you want from us? Why are you doing this?’ Or would you charge towards the bastard, & try to kick him where it hurts?”
- “If we ever had to move, would you choose a house that was in the middle of no where, with no neighbors, no barking dogs… just trees & dirt?”
If any of these vital questions have been answered insufficiently (& use your best judgment), you may need to come up with a better plan. I am proud to say that my husband passed the Scary Movie test. Will yours?
In every horror film, there are always a series of mistakes made that are detrimental to the victim. Because, had the ground rules been established in the first place, the situation could have easily been avoided. For this reason, it’s crucial that you do not make these mistakes, unless you want to find yourself up a creek without a paddle:
- Going outside, in the middle of the night, in the middle of a windstorm, just because you heard something “funny.”
- You know someone is in the house. You’ve heard them walk in & they have made their presence known. Thus, you feel the need to announce your own presence. So you loudly say, “Hello? Who’s there? Jim, is that you?”
- It’s a dark & stormy night; there is no power & your cell phone isn’t working. You are alone when you hear a repetitive knock — more like a bang! — on the door… & you answer it.
- You & your lover start getting frisky in a dimly lit forest area, away from the nearest highway & no where close to civilization. Naturally, this is a very bad idea.
- You buy a house that is 200 years old, knowing some “rumors” that it might be “haunted” by angry ghosts. You ignore the rumors & hope for the best, while cracking jokes about the house being “haunted.” Not only is it a bad idea to be so naive, but ghosts do not like jokes.
- You see a shadow creep by your bedroom door; you don’t wake your husband because you know he has to work early in the morning, so you investigate by yourself, without any kind of weapon.
Of course, there are many more mistakes that can be made; watch any scary movie for yourself & take note of them. Regardless, I feel like this is something that must be talked about right away. Ask those valuable questions to your lover; tell him to clarify what he means by “It was probably just the wind.” & if he ever utters, “I’m sure it’s just nothing”, make sure that he will reassure you why he thinks it was nothing.
Your relationship depends on this! & here is why:
Suppose you & your lover survived the brutal happenings of a dark & stormy night? & suppose you weren’t able to ignore the fact that he was completely oblivious (or just down right stupid) in those events?
Now… would you really want to sleep next to a man who left you in the house with a crazy person roaming about? Would you really want to have children with a guy who insisted that it was “nothing”, yet he’s missing a leg to contradict that statement?
& how could you EVER help someone who didn’t think to help you in the middle of danger? You probably won’t want to get him that glass of water, or even make him dinner, for that matter! The disappointment & embarrassment of your lover’s actions will haunt you more than the ghost ever did…
:]
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