12|31|2008
Before I forget, I should mention that I won The Supermelon’s Best Real Style contest (!!!); you know, that contest that I have been desperately trying to win for the last bloody month. I officially got the “congratulations” a few days ago (it’s about time!). Thanks, again, to everyone who voted for me. I’m truly, truly grateful.
For my prizes, I received a few samples of Diesel’s new line 55DSL (& I must say that it’s not quite my taste, but I’m thrilled just the same!), & have already spent my $50 gift card at Ruche. Their clothes are just stunning. They remind me a lot of Anthropologie, but not nearly as expensive. Needless to say, I highly recommend Ruche. & I should be getting my order sometime this week, or so I’m hoping.
I’m also hoping that once I get my new clothes I’ll become more inspired. Because lately I have been in a bit of a rut. Thus… the reason I haven’t been getting dressed up lately. These days, I’m found in plain American Apparel tees, with skinnies. Nothing fancy, nothing exciting… just clothes. & it’s quite sad, considering I’ve got the perfect camera to document such outfits. But I will get out of this rut, so help me!
But mainly, I was tagged by Nina, recently. Now… usually, I don’t do these tagged things. Call me a poor sport if you want, but I just can’t seem to dedicate time to silly little surveys & awards (although I thoroughly appreciate the honor!) HOWEVER, a survey involving the review of 2008 just seems fitting, when we’re hours away from 2009. I was compelled to take a stroll down memory lane…
(continue reading…)
12|28|2008
My Christmas was amazing, devastating, laughter-inducing, sorrowful, & memorable; it was full of love, hope, disappointment, & tears. Basically, it was all over the place… but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
The highlights of this holiday week was the surprise engagement of my mother, & the immaculate purchase of our Nikon D60 (!!!).
I cannot begin to describe the happenings of this past week, so I’ll let the photographs tell the story themselves.
(continue reading…)
12|24|2008
It’s me again.
I’m not entirely sure I’m going to post this yet, since I know it will be full of emotion & sentiment, which will be depressing, but it’s Christmas Eve… & I can’t shake my nostalgic feelings.
I’m listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album, thinking about my childhood. We would play this album constantly. I could hum the music in my sleep, it’s etched so deeply into my mind. When I was younger, the moment this CD would play, I would immediately get excited, because Santa Claus is coming to town! I listen to it these days & have to hold back tears (as I am doing now), thinking of what was.
There are so many memories surrounding Christmas for me; more than any other holiday (or birthday). Maybe it’s because we were all one big happy family Christmas morning. Nothing was really in our way, nothing could keep us from being joyful or thankful. We were just oozing love & comfort.
My sister & I would wake up at the crack of dawn to take a look at the damage Santa had done; did he eat our handmade cookies? Did he drink the milk? Did he write us a letter back? Once we surveyed the damage — meaning, how much money my parents managed to scrimp to get us everything our little hearts desired & more — we pranced into my parents’ room, who would still be sleeping.
I remember yelling once, “It’s time! It’s time!” jumping up & down at 6 o’clock in the morning (& I have yet to do that again, now that I am a dignified adult, not to mention very grumpy upon waking up). My little sister would be yelling, too, for our parents to get out of bed because Santa Claus has been here! My parents would have groggy smiles on their faces, delighted to see their children so happy & healthy on another Christmas morning. & slowly… they would get out of bed, brush their teeth, use the bathroom, make the coffee, turn on the heater, & so on. All the while, my sister & I would be on pins & needles, just waiting to rip into those presents.
With a coffee mug in each hand — & when I was old enough (8 or 9) I would have a small cup, too — my parents would sit down around the tree with us, looking at our eager faces. My mom would make a gentle remark about how many presents there was underneath the tree & how “good” we must have been. Her excitement & wonderment during those mornings egged me & my sister on. If it weren’t for her, we would have stopped believing in the magic long before. Actually, Jonathan was making fun of me the other night when I told him I was about 11 or 12 when I learned the truth about Santa. He was amazed, because he put two-&-two together at the age of 6 (!!!). He asked me how I didn’t know sooner & I told him, “Because my parents put so much magic & thought into Christmas, we had no time to question it. It just was that way.”
So, we would open the presents, one by one. Each of us would be handed one — funny how my mother knew exactly which ones to save for last for the “grand finale” — & we’d have to wait until one of us finished cooing over it before we opened another one. Our grand finale present was always something significant & expensive, & usually, it was to be shared between my sister & I. One year, we got a Super Nintendo game console, with several games; another year we got a huge dollhouse, with rooms & doors & cabinets. It was always something we really wanted but didn’t know we wanted it until it was presented to us. & that would leave us wondering, “How does Santa know these things? How did he know that I wanted this for Christmas? I didn’t put it on the list!” My parents always knew; they loved us so much.
They always managed to give us a great Christmas, every single year. No matter if my father lost his job, no matter if they were behind on bills, no matter if they could barely afford to buy groceries. My sister & I always got spoiled… every single year. I don’t know how they managed to do it, but it meant the world to them to see smiles on our faces on Christmas morning. I suppose nothing — not even money — would get in the way of the joy they so wanted to create. Now that I’m older, it’s apparent the sacrifices my parents made to keep us happy. It’s almost heartbreaking, because they would want for nothing. All they needed in their lives was their children’s laughter. Literally.
Everything about Christmas morning was magical. The smells: fresh brewed coffee, the faint smell of peppermint that my parents would sometimes let dangle in their mugs, the cold winter air & the way the heater would smell when it was warming up. The food: my mother’s traditional Christmas breakfast of grits, honey-baked ham, eggs, & biscuits. The sounds: Charlie Brown’s Christmas, my father sniffing — he always had a way of doing this so loudly — my mother cooing along with us as the gifts were being opened, my sister’s excitement & even my own obnoxiousness. Everything just fit perfectly; it was like this practically every year, down to the last detail.
& now… things are different. As they should be, because time goes by, people change, & habits are eventually broken. This is inevitable.
My parents are no longer together; my father has a brand new baby with his new wife, my mother has a full house with her lover, my sister & her boyfriend, & my mother’s lover’s little baby. My parents are both happy in their own unique ways. & of course, I am married with a life separate from theirs.
Everything is so different, everything is so foreign. I won’t be waking up to see my sister’s groggy face in the morning, or my mother’s coke bottle glasses as she’s giving my father a hug. I won’t see my dad’s striped robe, or hear his jokes. I won’t be eating my mother’s famous breakfast, nor will I be drinking their fresh brewed coffee. While I understand change is necessary, I am sad about it. Why must things change? I guess I don’t do “change” very well…
Maybe this is why I’m so bitter about the holidays (& I really am bitter; a regular Scrooge, if I must be honest); because I have been conditioned to have Christmas be a certain way all of my life & to have it end so abruptly, without any kind of warning or gradual getting used to, I feel betrayed, hurt, & vulnerable.
I understand that this is the time to make new memories with my husband… but what about what was? Sometimes it hurts too much to simply remember… I want to BE there. I want to feel that kind of security again; the security that my parents will always be in love, that my sister will always be little & that I will always be there for her, that my house & my room will be left intact. I will never feel that kind of security again, because it doesn’t exist. & because of this, I am always terribly troubled on Christmas Eve.
This isn’t the first Christmas Eve I’ve spent feeling melancholy & on the verge of tears. The last several Christmases have been this way. Maybe this is my Christmas tradition; to feel remorseful, depressed, & unwilling, though I pray not. It just doesn’t ever seem to go away, no matter how hard I try.
& I envy those who have managed to keep the same Christmas traditions, with the same fixings as the year before & the year before that & the year before that. If only life could always be that way; a neverending cycle of security & an expectation that every family gathering — one such as Christmas — will be timeless & never changing.
While I know that these holidays shouldn’t be rushed, that they should be relished & never forgottten, I am never upset when Christmas is over. Never.
12|24|2008
fuzzy sweater, Target; t-shirt is my father’s PE uniform; shorts, from Ross; shoes are thrifted; tights, from H&M; necklace (which you cannot see, unfortunately) is my own.
I’m sure you remember Chrismahanukwanzakah, no?
In this picture, you will see that I have attempted to dress up our Ikea bookshelf with Christmas lights, since we failed to get a tree this year. Though we really meant to, one thing lead to another & it’s now Christmas Eve, sans tree.
Unfortunately, our apartment is barely decorated, other than the mini-Christmas tree I bought from Trader Joe’s on a whim, a few holiday-scented candles, & the Christmas card collage on our closet door. (Many thanks to Chanel & Shannon, who were kind enough to give beautiful Christmas cards to little old me!)
We have yet to play any Christmas music in the house, or watch any Christmas movies. & it’s not because we’re not in the spirit, because we really are! I suppose we’re just… slow. & we’re enjoying watching everyone else get into the holiday spirit. I must admit, though: it hardly feels like Christmas without a tree. I regret not getting one at all…
Thankfully, my wretched cold seems to be passing, so I’m feeling much better. I was so afraid I was going to be sick for Christmas/our anniversary. So… what will my Christmas festivities include this year?
- staying indoors, thoroughly enjoying the winter storm blowing in tonight.
- watching Love Actually, A Christmas Story, & CSI: Las Vegas.
- celebrating my one year wedding anniversary tomorrow night with Lover. (Oh my god!! It’s been a year already?! That makes me feel so terribly old for some reason!)
- opening presents, which will include a lot of cooing, hugging, & kissing.
- visiting my family this Saturday in Palm Desert (where we will watch grown men try to kill each other; aka: UFC pay-per-view fight). We will also exchange gifts & deliver Sam back to his real Mommy.
- & of course, stay up late, sleep in, lounge in pajamas all day & eat junk until I can’t fit through the front door.
I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday week! Stay safe & relish in every moment with family, friends & your furry creatures. I’m wishing you all well, & I can’t wait to see how you spent the holidays. I’ll be back just as soon as I recover from my pre-meditated Holiday hangover.
Oh, & my trusty Frosty the Snow-Mug says Happy Holidays, too. :]
12|22|2008
I’m sick. It’s nothing serious; just a bit of a cold. But it’s enough to keep me down in the dumps. Therefore, I have nothing exciting to wear, nothing exciting to share (rhyme unintended). Even if I wanted to create an adventure, it’s raining again & I shouldn’t be in the cold air, anyway. So I am home today, in my pajamas, drinking lemon tea with honey, trying to keep from boredom. This is when I desperately wish we had cable, because all the local television channels are making me want to cry; this is how unexciting they are…
A few days ago, a friend of mine sent me a forward of these vintage pictures in & around Southern California, dated all the way back to the 1800s. These photographs captivated me so much — & I’m sure they’ll captivate you, as well — that I wanted to share them here.
These are not my photographs, so I cannot be credited for them. But they definitely deserve to be looked at. They’re haunting, but in a beautifully nostalgic kind of way.
^ 7th & Broadway.
^ Bellevue Terrace Hotel, at 6th & Figueroa – 1900
^ Los Angeles, before 1890.
^ Pasadena, California – 1900
^ Santa Monica Beach – 1900
^ San Fernando Valley – 1900
^ Wilshire Blvd – 1900
^ The Venice Beach “Bathing Beauties.”
^ Venice Beach – 1920
12|19|2008
Much to my excitement– & I’m like, jumping off the walls — apricot’s closet is now open to the public! (& many thanks to my photoshop-inclined husband for the lovely button he made for me.)
If you would like more information about apricot’s closet, please visit my about page, which explains everything in graphic detail.
Here’s what’s debuting in my closet this week:
dazzling jeweled earrings.
black agate necklace.
carved feather necklace.
hand-cut diamond quartz necklace.
Zuni bear necklace.
For more items, keep checking back to either my blog or my store. I will upload more just as soon as I sell out.
Enjoy! & tell me what you think about the items. I’m curious…
(Also, today is the last day for voting for The Supermelon Real Style Contest. I am begging of you… if you haven’t registered & voted for me, please do now. I am one person away from being tied. & I want to win so badly. Please & thank you!)
The polls are now closed, & it seems as though I have won! But I don’t know for sure. We shall see… (!!!)
Thanks to all that voted! I appreciate you & your efforts to keep a smile on my face. & I’m sorry if I irritated anyone in the process.
12|17|2008
Cardigan, from Charlotte Russe; white tee (with the sleeves cut off), from GAP; drop crotch pants & hat, from Target; boots, from Payless; jewelry is handmade by yours truly.
The wintery weather is perfect for my man hat, as seen here from a post a long time ago (or so it seems). I absolutely adore my man hat — & I say “man hat” because that’s exactly what it is; I found it in the men’s section at Target last year & had to have it. I enjoy pulling it off, even if it does make me look like a boy…
So, I’m in a delightful mood, what with the rainy weather & all. Apparently, all of Southern California is right in the middle of a winter storm. It has been raining practically all day, & I am relishing in the fact that this gives me a reason to stay indoors & create. & that’s exactly what I’ve done.
I’ve been a jewelry making machine. So far, I’ve made 8 necklaces, with a few still pending in my imagination. I just hope they are loved as much as I enjoyed making them.
The pictures that I took of the necklaces don’t do them much justice, & for that I wish I had that beloved D60 I keep dreaming about. But… until then, my not-so-up-to-par point & shoot will have to do. (It’s a shame, too, how longing feelings change the way you view your current circumstances. For instance: when we got the camera I use now — a Panasonic DMC-TZ3 — I thought it was the cream of the crop! & now that I have eyes for the D60, I think it’s a piece of… rubbish, for lack of a better word. It’s just sad, especially knowing how much this camera cost us.)
Nevertheless, this is just a little preview of what I’m hoping to sell soon, as well as 3 pairs of earrings I’ve never worn. (Not all necklaces are shown, of course.)
Oh, & I would love to hear what you think about the idea! Seems like everyone is selling something, whether it be clothing, handmade items, or some form of art. I happen to be good at making jewelry, amongst many other things.
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