Friday, July 25th, 2008
wearing nothing but paint in my studio.
Sadly — very, very sadly — our beautiful, wonderful apartment home is being foreclosed. I wish I could put into decent words how I feel about this, but I can’t. In short, I am slightly devastated & just a little bit angry. (Just a teeny bit.)
We found out this terrible news through text message, of all the annoyingly modern, “convenient” ways to tell someone. Lover found out first; his conversation with me about it started with: “Babe… I have bad news.” I loathe it when someone says this, but especially Lover, because when he says it’s bad news, it’s horrible news. He went on to tell me that the Realtor sent him a message saying that the bank now owns our apartment house & we have 30 days to vacate the premises, after they post a written notice on the residence.
Imagine that. What a completely shocking thing to be notified about. (& on text message, of all the maddening things!) There was no warning; no indication that this might happen to us. & while I am fretting, Lover is barely flinching. To him, we have more than enough time to sort this out, to find a new apartment. As for me… I am scrambling; I am stressing. But I am trying my damnedest to keep a steady head & not become a raging worry wart, which just so happens to be one of my most shameful (but best) qualities
I was speaking to a fellow tenant of ours last night about this whole ordeal & he said that while he is as angry as I am about the shadiness of these events, he is looking forward to finding a new place. He says it’s like shopping. He said: “I love to take my time & search for places in different towns & cities. You know, if you think of it like shopping, you’ll have a great time with it.” & I replied, “But… I hate shopping.” He laughed, astounded at this, & said, “Well, then… that is a problem, isn’t it?” I concur.
To calm my nerves, I stayed up late last night to paint.
When I had first started the picture, it was looking a lot like a piece of shit — I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true — but I managed to keep my wits about me & it is turning into a colorful, whimsical, full of potential kind of piece. It’s taken me more than 3 months to actually attempt to finish, & I am not yet done. I think it’s turning out quite lovely.
Although… I wish I could be a better painter. I feel a bit stuck with resorting to modest abstract paintings, since I cannot draw for the life of me. I have tried, yes; I once painted a picture of a black stiletto next to a tube of mascara with its brush. (I was mimicking a Clinique ad I saw in a magazine.) Underneath the picture I wrote in French “The Stiletto & The Mascara.” For a first try, it looked well enough; almost impressive. But taking that out of the equation, it was pretty awful.
While I was painting, I had the strongest, strangest urge to smoke a cigarette, as though it would spark more imagination in my mind. Come to think of it, I almost lit one up. I started to walk towards Lover’s bag, where he keeps the Cancer sticks, & had to stop myself & ask, What ARE you doing? You don’t smoke! & indoors of all places! Go sit down, for Heaven’s sake. I realized then that when I get terribly stressed & restless, like last night, that is when I crave cigarettes most. While I am not a smoker, the cravings become so strong that I have lucid dreams about it. Actually, I wrote about my obsession with cigarettes & smoking once before. I am ashamed to say that it’s only gotten worse since then. Even now, I’d love to nurse one…
& because I haven’t been creative enough to make a decent fashion statement lately — it’s been tights & shorts all week, which is more than played out but doesn’t phase me — I wore my painting instead, clad in nothing but paint & bed-head. I can never create art without it ending up all over the place, including my neck, my arms, my legs & my face.
I sleep much better when I let out my anguish with the help of vibrant colors & a stiff brush.
on Friday, July 25th, 2008 at 11:39 am:
Painting is so fun. And it’s a cheaper way to pretty up your place.
I’m so sorry to hear about your apartment. That would be quite stressful. Although I feel a bit sorry for the owner as well, I’ll be honest.
Keep your chin up!
on Friday, July 25th, 2008 at 1:01 pm:
You’re a fantastic artist. Really. And that is a beautiful picture of you, dear.
on Friday, July 25th, 2008 at 3:09 pm:
oh man i’m so sorry about the apartment, that’s crazy. just know i’ll be joining you in the apartment search tomorrow if it makes you feel any better?
and love the painting, so cool.
on Friday, July 25th, 2008 at 4:47 pm:
I’ve been in the position of having to find an apt. last minute before and it can be quite stressful, but something always seems to show up. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect place!
Love the painting!
on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 8:49 am:
so sorry to hear about your situation…this has acutally happened to one of my mom’s friends this week. how is this legal??
but your picture is BEAUTIFUL.
and things always have a way of working themselves out in the end.
on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 10:06 am:
that painting is beautiful
on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 10:06 am:
So sorry to hear about your situation!
But your painting is beautiful
on Saturday, July 26th, 2008 at 8:02 pm:
@ ashley.marie: To be honest, I wasn’t feeling sorry for the owner in the beginning. But after finding out that one tenant was behind their rent 7 months, I most definitely changed my tune. Now I hate the tenants. ;/
@ ashley: aw, thank you. :] How flattering.
@ katelin: shamefully, that DOES make me feel a little better. =]
@ Meg: Yes, I’m sure we’ll find the perfect place… it’s just a matter of when. I hate waiting. I am so impatient.
@ thatShortChick: I guess it becomes illegal when a tenant is behind their rent for over 7 months. Bastards. ;/ & hopefully it’ll work out in the end…
@ emma: thank you. :]
@ sandy: I’m sorry too, & thanks. ;]
on Sunday, July 27th, 2008 at 12:56 pm:
The painting is really great. I’m glad you have that as an outlet. I’m so sorry to hear about your apartment. I hope you and Lover find another one soon.
on Sunday, July 27th, 2008 at 1:28 pm:
I’m so sorry about the apartment. You are completely rational in being angry about receiving the news through text message. I got angry at the man just reading it but i’m glad you took out the frustration by painting it turned out great
on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 5:43 am:
Lovely painting. Too bad about being forced to move. That is really unfortunate, but maybe you will find some place really nice.
on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 9:41 am:
The painting is absolutely lovely…as for the apartment I am very sorry, and hope I don’t sound trite, but I really think that things happen for a reason and this could truly be a blessing in disguise.
Wishing you and Lover all the best in your search for a new place.
on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 12:09 pm:
I’m really sorry about your apartment being foreclosed like that. How horrid!
The painting’s really beautiful! I’d hang it on my wall in a heartbeat :-)
on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 3:27 pm:
My aunt is having the same problem. Her landlord apparently hasn’t been paying the morgage and her apartment is now in forclosure. But what so annoying about it is that she found out 2 months ago and she’s still paying rent. I told her she should save her money and find a new place. But I hope you guys find a new place that’s twice as nice and half the price.
I really like your painting, but its so weird that it made you want a cigarette. I hope your cravings go away, because if you start it’ll be hard to stop.
on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 9:08 am:
Geez, that sucks. I’m sorry! Moving stresses me out majorly.
on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 10:55 am:
@ Everyone: thank you. :]
on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 9:11 pm:
babe. please let me if you need help. i remember you saying you’re from pasadena? i work at a non-profit firm that helps tenants that are being evicted and you are in our service area. you technically are being evicted and we can at least give you advice. i can give my # if you’d like and i will refer your case to an attorney. from what i know you may be entitled to relocation money given by the bank. this whole foreclosure thing is a mess and very unfortunate. for the landlord, the bank, and the tenants. i know this must be stressful, hang in there.