Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
truthfully, I think I’m quite boring.
My life has been blissfully uneventful lately; & this makes me a pretty boring girl, because I never have anything to talk about. No stories to tell, no gossip to indulge in. Just everyday conversations, habitual chores & intimidating silences when I am alone. This is not to say that I’m complaining; I’m not. I enjoy my free time & I miss it when it’s gone. It’s just that wish I had something important to say these days. To be that girl to tell the funniest joke or the one who makes the best chocolate chip cookies. Something (anything!) at all.
My writing has suffered tremendously because of my stagnant little life. I can no longer conjure up amazing thought processes or heavy-duty contemplations; it’s as though I’m on vacation. My brain doesn’t seem to register that sort of important-like goal making, that “lets get down to business” mindset. Again, I’m not complaining; whining, mostly. I just wish I could give people something to talk about.
My husband & I have been terribly out of sync these past few months. We never get bored at the same time anymore, & if we do, it’s completely sporadic, like in the middle of the night when we should be in bed. If I am sleepy, he is wired & wants to wrestle in the sheets. If I am full of energy & ready to people watch, he is reluctantly glued to the couch, half awake/half asleep, breathing deeply & insisting that he’s not falling asleep. So because of this out of sync-ness, we go in & out of moods. I’ll adjust my mood to be more calm like his, & right as I’m drifting off into relaxation & mimicking his deep breathing, he is ready to get up & go somewhere & do somethings & wreak some havoc. & vice versa: he’ll begin to amp himself up for a “gay old time” (as we like to put it) so I can finally stop pestering him to get out of bed; & then I’ll become so lazy all of a sudden that nothing gets done. Equally, we both get irritated & exasperated, & that makes for a very long weekend.
Tonight is nothing short from Typical. Lover got tired almost immediately — I cannot blame him, for he works so very hard, without one complaint — & ended up retreating to our loft to “rest his eyes.” He’s been sleeping there ever since (7pm) & I was left downstairs, cold & lonely, watching an Alfred Hitchcock movie. This usually happens. We never go to bed at the same time. It’s never too far apart; no more than an hour or 2, but still… we’re completely out of sync. I hope that this is normal; because it’s often misconceived that in wedded bliss, the sun sets & rises on each other & that we’ll be too busy wrapped up in each other to barely come up for air. Of course, this is true on some days, but on most… we’re usually involved in something opposite each other. Life, usually.
I must admit that I have been shying away from this little diary — getting too personally involved in it, I
mean — because I know that there is a listening audience. An audience of strangers, yes, but still… a listening audience. I have always been a bit timid when it comes to being put on the spot, & while I’ve tried to make sure that this place is the most safest of them all, I feel like the spotlight is constantly on bright here, exposing me to the world, making me vulnerable & susceptible to jeers (or cheers, maybe).
& to know that I am putting myself willingly under a microscope, not only within my own thoughts but within my massive, unimpressive wardrobe, well, that is far from my character. & by far, I mean… far. & that just makes this whole thing even more interesting because I’ve always been overly private. Again, I am not complaining; just whining, I guess.
Then, I begin to think just how many people actually read my diary & how many feel like they know me so well already, just on what I’ve revealed here. I’m curious to know, actually. I’ve often wondered who might these people be; what might they look like? & could we ever be true friends?
Button-down frock, from a thrift store; rolled up capris & sandals, from Ross; messanger bag (filled with all of my tricks), from Forever21.
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 8:01 am:
I love your outfit!! maybe you could start a hobby if you are easily bored?
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 9:42 am:
Everytime I come here, I’m reminded why I stop by every day. We have so much alike, it’s ridiculous.
I agree with Sharon rose- how about some type of hobby? Judging from the way you write, it seems as if you would definitely have the creative spark for any hobby you’d take up.
And I know what you mean about the reading and the writing. I’ve sometimes gotten the feeling that the writing was a little too overwhelming, I wasn’t sure what I wanted people to know. It’s rough sometimes but it works.
And about Snoop Dogg? Don’t judge ;). It was last minute and I’ve NEVER passed up a concert. Too much energy, so much fun.
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 11:26 am:
I am the same way. I am painfully shy when it comes to new people and the fact that I have a blog that people actually come to, to view and criticize whether it be good or back is a little out of my character. I don’t do much these days, I’m out of school, and spend most of my time at home. So when I talk to my friends, I listen to all of they’re stories but mine of course are uneventful and boring. We should both get a hobby, for me something other than shopping because my poor little wallet needs a break. Something that takes away our boredom and gives us some new storires.
And as far you and your husband being out of sync is really natural, especially for newly weds. My best friend who got married right after Christmas feels the same way. I tell her this is something new for the both of you, still finding out new things about each other and that you are in that how will thing change now that we’re married, or trying to be the perfect wife phase. I’m sure you’ll both find your niche. But be more verbal about it. If you feel things are out of sorts tell him how you feel. Also, if you don’t already do this, make sure you go out together at least one day out of a week so you can have that out time together, to enjoy sitting down at a restaraunt and talk.
P.S Sorry for the long writing, I really talk a lot and that transfers into how I write so I cut it short. And your wardrobe is far from being unimpressive, love it!!! ;)
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 11:38 am:
I guess your readers will only know as much as you put out. Also, no matter how much you put out, they’ll never ever know all of you. This goes for all us bloggers. Ppl can get a very good dose of who I am via my blog, but they can never say they truly “know” me because of it. There are more sides to all of us than what we choose to write about and actually share. Humans are complicated.
As for the whole being boring thing, I don’t think it’s true of you. You have lots to say… and I end up coming back to read what else you have to say almost daily. However, I can relate to the “boring” feeling tho. I feel like too… a lot. In fact it’s one of my biggest insecurities when I’m in a relationship. I always get scared that the person I’m with will get bored of me and leave. Again… humans are complicated.
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 4:45 pm:
I think the lazy summer months can tend to drag leaving us lost in our lack of words. I often avoid my blog as well when I can’t find anything I deem particularly “interesting” to say. No point in writing pointlessly… but then sometimes I write anyway for lack of something else to do and to preserve my own sanity :)
My fiance and I (about to be newlyweds after Saturday!! whee) are often out of sync. When he is working I stay up into the wee hours of the morning while he has been asleep for 3-4 already. We cut out “date nights” where we make a planned event and go through with it!! No matter if one of us is tired… it’s pre-planned lol.
And I often wonder the same things about my blog readers. In real life, I have very few female friends but I am very outgoing and I think this makes some people nervous or intimidated? And I don’t mean to… but that’s how I am. So I wonder if my blog readers, who know more about me than some of the friends I have weekly lunch with, would be my friends were we to hang out in real life??
Okay I am done rambling… I will go write on my own blog >_>
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 6:43 pm:
I like your long vest and your writing. I love the peace and quiet and boredom (yes…) of my weekends, but then I get so stir-crazy! Also, about the audience…the more people read my blog the less personal it gets, I write less about my experiences and feelings because it has evolved from that personal online journal into something else…now I’m not certain where to write my feelings.
on Wednesday, July 9th, 2008 at 9:58 pm:
Strangely enough, I found your blog via “stumbleupon”. Crazy, no?
I was drawn in, actually, by your cutting edge fashion and style… and I have to admit, I went through just to look at the pictures of your outfits. And immediately after, I went to the department store to get a few men’s v-neck tee shirts because they looked so adorable.
You’re something of an Internet fashion icon… but no pressure :) (seriously though, no pressure.)
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 12:01 am:
funny…i was sort of feeling the same way about my life. ever since i finished school, my thought process had a drastic metamorphosis. not good, but you write beautifully and seem to be un-boring to me. really. i am so glad i found your blog again! linking you ;)
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 7:05 am:
Dearie. Your skin is beautiful. Just thought you should know. :)
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 9:46 am:
I relate to you tremendously! My fiancee has a circadian rhythm disorder, thus he naturally falls asleep around 4 and 6 am, and wakes up around dinnertime. Me, I have a much more normal schedule. It gets frustrating, doesn’t it? I suppose we’ve just got to make the most of those in-synch moments…
And I’ve always wondered what it feels like to divulge your intimate thoughts to strangers. Is it easier than having an audience right in front of you, where you can see their every reaction? I’m guessing blogging is only a pseudo-anonymity, for every friendly commenter, you must get some…”silly” people as well. :P But I’ve said this before - you’re very brave to put it all out there! You’re definitely helping people, like me!
So to take some of the anonymity away; I’m Sarah, I’m 21 and live in Roxboro, a small city within Montreal. I’m usually described as the short girl with the big hair. So we’re not strangers anymore! :)
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 10:23 am:
@ Sharon rose: thank you very much! & you know, I have a lot of hobbies. I think lately, this heat with the combination of my melancholy mood, has made me stray from my usual passions & just feel sorry for myself. I know… totally not attractive or good, but it’s true. ;/
@ sandy: thank you, love. :] I adore your blog as well. You & I are either going through something at the same time, or you’ve/I’ve been there before. I appreciate your kind words.
@ Kelly: Aw, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one! :] Thank you for your kind words & the advice as well. I think it makes a lot of sense. I think I need more newlywedded friends. ;/
@ Aaron: Aw, thanks, sir. I’m flattered. :] It’s interesting to know that as a male, you can come here & relate to my words. Very flattering. & yes, humans are MORE than complicated.
@ Abby: Oh my goodness, everything you said was right on! Your comment made me feel a lot better about things; not just because you’re right, but because you & I have a tendency to live parallel lives. ;]
@ The Clothes Horse: I completely understand that. Actually, I feel like I am in that sort of predicament now. Surprisingly enough, there are a lot of things I tend to hold back here & I’m finding now that I am desperate for my own private, personal space… sigh. ;/
@ randi mae: I wrote you personally in an email regarding your comment, but here, I would like to say a huge thank you, because you truly made my day. :]
@ fashionispoison: thanks for the lovely words & thank you for the link. :} I’ve book marked you, myself!
@ ashley: dearie… thank you. ;]
@ Sarah: Aw, it’s nice to know that you are no longer a stranger anymore. :] Nice to completely meet you. Thanks for coming back here, despite you wanting to remain anonymous. & thank for you the wonderful words. I appreciate them, very much. =]
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 1:33 pm:
This is a great post - I love your writing and I particularly appreciate your excellent grammar and wide vocabulary. Love the fact you say vice versa and not visa versa like some people. I am kind of fascinated with the whole blogging phenomenon - so weird communicating with total strangers from across the world, but completely amazing that I get to hear these voices and thoughts so like, and sometimes so different, from my own. For the record my husband and I are totally out of sync- he works until midnight most nights and I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome so I have to get a lot of sleep!
on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 5:02 pm:
My writing totally suffers when life is boring too. I actually have to go out and try to get inspired but once I get inspired I totally can’t stop writing.
on Friday, July 11th, 2008 at 6:06 am:
I’m from a conservative Christian family who didn’t really approve of television, but did approve of TCM! So, I was raised watching black and whites, musicals, etc. It’s funny because I’m so much more knowledgeable about Judy Garland than say…Cameron Diaz or some other modern movie actress!
on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 10:55 am:
Honestly? Through reading your diary, and enjoying your always-eloquent presentation of your thoughts, I think I’ve gotten to know you quite well. I admire your honesty and curiosity - you are someone who I’d consider an “old soul” as well, although I’m not sure if I’m using it in the right context. It works for me, anyway.
You’re the type of person who I wish I had the privilege of knowing face-to-face. The type of friend who would be willing to spend an afternoon simply dedicated to hot beverages and insightful conversation. There truly aren’t enough people out there like that. Although, you would most likely be dressed way cuter than I, and that’s just frustrating. (I kid, I kid…)
I guess there’s always a certain second-guessing that comes with baring your soul on the internet. I get the same thoughts, and often wish I would have kept my blog more anonymous. I would feel better about expressing certain things to complete strangers, as opposed to people who I know I’m going to face in real life. Isn’t that an odd fact? It makes me question how genuine I am. Which worries me.
And on a sidenote, I know what you mean about the whole out-of-sync thing. It comes in waves with my husband and I. I always become so giddy when we are so in tune with eachother, but get completely crotchety when we’re not.
Ah, married life.
on Saturday, July 12th, 2008 at 9:39 pm:
I usually fall asleep 2 hours before the fiance does. We’ve always been this way so it’s normal to me. I just put my sleep mask on and zonk out while we lay in bed together and he watches t.v.
on Monday, July 14th, 2008 at 11:53 am:
@ Marianne: Haha; visa versa. :] I think my grammar comes from all the annoyance I’ve gotten from people misspelling or misusing words in the past. It’s a bit of a habit for me. :] & I, too, am fascinated with blogs & other’s thoughts. It’s just so interesting to me…
@ Jessica: same here! If I’m beginning to feel restless, I’ll deliberately go somewhere & note everything I feel, see & hear (I have a little notebook that I always keep in my purse) & that usually gives me enough inspiration to want to write. :]
@ The Clothes Horse: you & I are a lot alike. My mother loves old movies, so we grew up watching them with her. She introduced me to all of these amazing classics at such a young age. I wanted to be Shirley Temple so bad!
@ wishcake: I wrote you a personal email regarding this, but just the same, thank you again. :]
@ That Saddity Chic: I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one… I was beginning to feel like me & Jonathan were going our separate ways in a sense. ;/