Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
ikea.
One Saturday, after a spur of the moment shopping trip, Lover & I decide that we should go to Ikea. Neither of us know the directions on how to get there because it had been a year since we’d been there. But Lover swears he remembers & that we’ll figure it out on the way if not. We’re completely gung-ho, singing & joking around with each other. Little do we know what we were getting ourselves into.
After driving for 20 minutes, I am the first one to get antsy.
Me: Honey, do you know where we’re going? I really feel like this isn’t the right way.
Lover: I told you, Babe… we’re going in the right direction. I feel that it’s either the 2 south, or the 2 north. & I really think it’s the 2 north.
Me: [sighs] Okay, I won’t say anything.
Lover: What?
Me: Well, I just really feel like we should be on the 134 east. I don’t remember us going on the 2 anywhere! Nothing looks familiar.
Lover: Well, it does to me. Just trust me, alright. It’s the 2 north. [says something in Cantonese under his breath]
[10 minutes later]
Me: Honey… where are we? We’ve been driving forever & I don’t see Ikea anywhere! This doesn’t seem right.
Lover: Just keep going, Babe! I know it’s coming up.
[3 minutes later]
Me: Okay, you know what… I’m just going to turn around. I’m not going to be wasting gas on assumptions. We should have just stuck with my gut feeling because I knew this wasn’t the right way, but you wouldn’t listen to me…
Lover: Okay, okay. Fine. Turn around, but I still say it’s 2 north. [Pause] Or maybe it’s 2 south?
Me: Babe… are you joking? I don’t want to go all the way back to the 2 south. That’s in the opposite direction! We’ll have to turn around. I say take we take the 134!
Lover: No no no… I think it’s the 2 south. Yeah, now I remember! It is the 2 south. Babe, get on the 2 south. Get in the right lane! Hurry, babe! You need to merge. MERGE! BABE, you’re going to miss it!!! Merge!!!
Me: [after almost crashing & cutting off a diesel truck, I am pouting] This had better be the right way, Babe, because if not, we just almost died for no reason.
Lover: No… seriously, I definitely know that this is the right way. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. We’re going the right way now, Honey. [pause] I love you. (he says this because he knows I’m fuming at almost getting into a wreck & him not knowing where we’re going.)
Me: [mutters, not meaning it] I love you, too.
[20 minutes later]
Me: Babe…
Lover: Don’t even say it; just don’t even say it. This is the right way, Honey. Okay? Can you trust me? Can you just trust that I know these freeways?
Me: I trust you babe, but I don’t trust your navigation. I really don’t think you know where we’re going. I think you’re just guessing. & I still think we should be on the 134! I don’t ever remember getting on the 2, ever. None of this looks familiar. I bet we’re heading toward Mexico, or something.
Lover: Babe… Mexico isn’t even in this direction. Ay yah.
Me: Oh. [pause] Well, you know what I mean! [pause, again] Babe, look… we’re coming into (unknown town). See, I told you!! We’re not going the right way! Here I am wasting gas & you don’t even know where you’re going. You know, now I’m starting to get really mad…
Lover: Okay, okay! Do whatever you want, turn around; but I swear to God it’s on the 2 south. You just don’t have the patience the see that. & now we’re about to turn around & waste more gas, when we’re like… right there! But whatever.
Me: We are not right there! We’re no where near “right there.” We’re in Timbuktu! I’m turning around. If you don’t like that, you can get out & go down the 2 south yourself & call me when you get to Ikea, but I’m heading back home!
[silence; both of us muttering obscenities to ourselves. It's growing dark & we're both starving. We're back on the 134, seemingly going the right way.]
Me: See, babe?! See? I told you! Look at those buildings! Look at them! I remember those buildings. We should have just gone my way the whole time. We would have saved an hour & gas!
Lover: Whatever; I still don’t think this is right.
Me: [I pretended to not hear him] Look over there; look at that flag, babe! I remember that flag, Honey, the last time we came here! I remember saying to myself, “Man, that is an ugly flag” so I know we’re going the right way. [pause] Feel free to sing a few versus of “How great thou art” if you’d like.
Lover: Whatever.
[20 minutes later]
Lover: So… Babe? Where are we going, huh? Do you know where we’re going? I don’t see Ikea…
Me: Shut up, Jonathan. I know where we are… it’s around here somewhere. I’m sure we’re about to come up to the off ramp. [long pause] Okay… I think we’re lost.
Lover: SEE?! I told you! We’re not going the right way! YOU don’t even know where we’re going! Just exit, babe, & lets go back home. Exit, Honey. Get in the right lane. Babe, get in the right lane!!! Merge, babe… merge! Honey, it’s coming up! Babe, you’re about to miss it! BABE! MERGE!!!
Me: BABE! Don’t yell at me!!! You don’t have to yell! You’re stressing me out!
Lover: Well… you weren’t merging.
We end up exiting on an unknown off-ramp, even though Lover still insists he knows where we are. I am using the f-word every other exclamation, & Lover has quieted down. Nothing looks familiar & we’ve now been driving for an hour & a half, trying to get to Ikea.
Lover: You know what, just stop… lets get directions.
Me: [bursts into laughter]
Lover: What? Why are you laughing?
Me: We just wasted all of this time & NOW you want to ask for directions. It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?
Lover: Just pull into that store, Honey. I’ll ask for directions. [mutters something in Cantonese]
[5 minutes later; Lover is getting into the car, with a smirk on his face]
Me: Well? Did you get directions?
Lover: Uh huh.
Me: And?!
Lover: We were both wrong. We take the 134 to the 5.
Me: [laughing] Oh my god, are you serious? Wow. We were way off! That’s crazy.
Lover: Yeah, I know.
Me: Aww, Honey. I’m sorry I didn’t think you were going the right way. You were almost right; the 2 resembles a 5, so that’s probably what you meant. I’m sorry Baby. [I give him a kiss]
Lover: It’s okay, Baby. You were right, too, though. If we just would have stayed on the 134 we would have made it eventually. We just didn’t know which freeway to get onto. [gives me a kiss]
Me: Alright, so lets go home.
Lover: Are you kidding? We made it this far, we know the right way. We’re fucking going to Ikea!
Me: I don’t know, babe. Are you sure? It’s awfully late… & I’m hungry.
Lover: Babe… we’re GOING to IKEA!
Me: [laughs] Alright, alright. We’re going to Ikea!
We finally make it to Ikea, without anymore screaming. By the time we get there I exclaim in relief, “We made it! We’re finally here! We’re here!” Lover looked like he was about to cry in sheer happiness. “Man, I’ve never been so happy to see Ikea in my life.” “Yeah, I know,” I say, “I feel like we’ve just arrived at Disneyland.
We stay at Ikea for another hour at most. By then, we are so exhausted from driving nearly 2 hours & so hungry since we hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast. We are weak & nearing deliriousness. Lover & I browse through rooms & rooms of furniture, bumping into crowds & screaming children. We’re both so out of it that we’re not even shopping; we’re just there to claim to ourselves & our pride that we finally made it to Ikea.
We went in with the hopes that we would walk out with a sofa chair, a desk chair & a desk lamp. After almost getting into argument out of pure irritation & weakness of being hungry, we literally say “fuck it” & we leave, empty handed.
The moral of this story: if you are going on a spontaneous adventure, at least know where the hell you are going. Furthermore, it’ll help your state of mind if you at least have something to eat before you go, otherwise, when it’s all said & done, you’ll be a zombie once you get to your destination.
on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 at 4:43 pm:
ah, the classic ikea argument! everyone in a relationship knows and loves it :) if you don’t argue about the right way, it’s about some table or chair. very well written!
just tell me: why didn’t you eat at ikea? we sometimes just go there for the great swedish food!
on Tuesday, June 10th, 2008 at 9:16 pm:
Ah haha! This is such a funny story! Why are you so funny? And where did your Jonathan learn cantonese?
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 1:24 am:
hahahahha hilarious!!!
my boyfriend and i get into it in the car all the time…
my present to him for his birthday will definitely be a navigational system-with a woman’s voice, because we’re usually right.
i sooo most definitely love your blog.
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 7:32 am:
Ikea is murder over here too! Crazy to get to, crazy to get round and you’re dying of starvation by the end!!
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 9:38 am:
@ Anna: You know, we contemplated eating there, but we’re vegetarians, & really the only thing we could eat would be ice cream or a cinnamon roll, & by that time we were so fed up, we just wanted to go home. Sigh. Never again.
@ Natalie: :] Jonathan dated a Vietnamese girl for several years, & picked up on their language over time. One of these days I’ll do a post about all the interesting words & phrases he knows in Cantonese… you may not be as interested after that. Haha. ;]
@ dianab: Seriously! I told Jonathan I’m going to get a Tom-Tom because he really does suck at directions. & thank you! I am so glad you like it. :]
@ Sharon rose: Yeah, you’re telling me! Ikea should be an amusement park. You can’t just get out & go…
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 9:40 am:
DYING OF LAUGHTER. I’m seriously doing that thing where you can’t laugh out loud so you’re just kinda shaking and tears are about to happen… this sounds EXACTLY like Kev and me whenever we go anywhere. The “Shut up, Jonathan.” just about killed me!
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 9:41 am:
hahahahahahahaha… This was hilarious! I loved the “Honey. [pause] I love you.” hahahahahaha!
Also, remember when you said you’ve never been on a road trip? Okay, scratch that off your list now! LOL
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 9:59 am:
@ Trace: Okay, now I’m dying of laughter at the thought of you trying suppress giggles. It was a lot of fun writing this… I was laughing the whole time! & this happens daily, it’s just that this time it was more consistent because we were going around in circles. I love him, though, “shut up, jonathan” & all. ;]
@ Aaron: LOL. You’re funny. I don’t know if this counts as a road trip. Although, we covered so many miles that day it very well could. I’ll be thinking about that … ;]
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 10:46 am:
Sigh.
What adventure will we have next?
Office Depot? Auto Zone? *gasp*.
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 3:27 pm:
Are Ikeas always out in the middle of nowhere? I always get lost going there.
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 7:26 pm:
Haha, I think this argument has been had by everybody.
My favorite “lost” experience is still when I was 16, trying to make it to the DMV to take my driving test. My mom insisted she knew exactly where it was, and once we got there? And there was no DMV to be found? She actually began trying to convince me that it had been knocked down. I ended up having to call a friend who knew where it actually was. Haha. Such good memories!
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 7:53 pm:
I think it’s cute, you both don’t have a sense of direction but u found each other. :)
on Wednesday, June 11th, 2008 at 9:35 pm:
Actually, my interest will still be held. I love learning bits of other languages. :]
on Thursday, June 12th, 2008 at 6:45 am:
great story. also reminds me of my bf….
on Thursday, June 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am:
@ jonathan mead: Hmm; maybe we should have an adventure in Target… ;]
@ Meg: Apparently, most Ikeas are in timbuktu! Everyone that’s commented here says they’ve had my same problem… we should all get together & sign a petition.
@ sandy: Haha! That’s funny. :] I actually got my sense of direction from my mother. We’d always get lost together…
@ Tashya: Hey… I never thought of that before. :] Good point.
@ Natalie: Aw, well then you’ll have to stay tuned. ;]
@ kate: =] I’m glad to know I’m not the only one.
on Thursday, June 12th, 2008 at 1:37 pm:
the whole time i was reading this I was saying out loud.. 134 to the 5, 134 to the 5!!! Glad you guys found it… too bad you didn’t get anything. Aus and I have gone to that place at least 4 times in the last two months for the new apartment… man oh man. It exhausts me.