Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
my inner french girl.
I have decided to put down “The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex” (hallelujah, because it was really boring me) & have started to reread my most favorite book “Entre Nous: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Her Inner French Girl;” a book that has made me feel a little less abnormal & more of a lovely little rarity. This book is simply perfection, causing me to pay close attention to every sentence & every description of the oh-so-spectacular French Girl. So much, that I actually took a highlighter — despite my being strongly against defacing a beautiful book — & traced significant paragraphs, in hopes that I will forever remember the wonderful notions this book has provoked within me. Quite frankly, this book is fucking amazing.
It was given to me on my 18th birthday (or could it have been my 17th?) & since then, I have always held it as such a treasure to my heart. I used to carry it with me everywhere, feeling as though the French Girl is a power that is manifested somehow through this book & that keeping “her” with me at all times, she would create a Parisian out of me, consistently. Now that I have started reading it again, I keep it in my bag, referring to it when I begin to feel lost or out of place, reminding myself that I am a that girl. Why, when I was reading this book for the first time, I couldn’t believe what I was actually witnessing: a lot of these “traits” of a French Girl I already have! Not just because of this book, but because it is simply me.
The French Girl wears her discretion like a filter or a screen, & every decision in her life passes through it: what she wears, how she spends her time, who she lets into her life, what she says (& does not say). Her discretion is an ongoing act of self-editing. The French Girl understands that even the smallest gesture is a choice, a purposeful selection of one path over another, one outcome over another, one impression over another. There is nothing random or haphazard about her. …The French Girl’s discretion is often most apparent in what she chooses not to say; she is private & nonconfessional. By not revealing herself easily — her secrets, her inclinations, her inner life — she can sometimes appear self-centered.
This portrayal of self control & shameless perfectionism in everything (which might be borderline OCD); this secretive, closed off, partially introverted & misconceived snobbishness is me. Through & through. To read these words & not hear a negative thing about them made it okay for me to identify with them. Because, for a long time, I thought of myself as a weird kid; I was never the typical kind of girl, so to speak. I wasn’t one to blab here & there about my business, big or small. I was never one to kiss & tell. I was never one to make friends with just anyone, to trust just anyone. It’s taken some time, but I have embraced the rarity of these traits. Because, in my opinion, everyone talks far too much; everyone reveals things they probably shouldn’t. We have reality shows, for Heaven’s sake! I prefer to continue standing alone in my stubborn discretion & closed-off-ness; seemingly stuck up & all.
Now, not everything about this book exudes me. By reading this book — & rereading it — I have come to understand that while I embody parts of the French Girl, I’ve still a lot to learn.
There is a lovely, dreamy paradox about the French Girl, & it is this: in having a strong sense of self, she’s able to let go of herself; that in being self-contained, she’s able to be vulnerable… all without unraveling at the seams. The French Girl so fully & unequivocally inhabits her own space, & with such individualistic flair, that it seems as if even from the earliest age she has always been sure of who she is & where she is going. …The French Girl is brought up to be polite, but she is not necessarily brought up to be a good girl. Her culture exalts the iconoclast, the nonconformist, the artist & original thinker… all of which makes it more natural for her to say No to prevailing pressures.
Oh, how I wish I was born knowing just what I will do in my life & oh, how I wish I knew just where I am going. I wish that I would be polite with out being the “good girl” (here we go again!). I wish that I could exude confidence within myself, so much that people stand up a little straighter & speak a bit more eloquently while I am around. I wish I could inspire & seduce people with just one smile.
I could speak like this forever, which would be fine & dandy, but it will not get me anywhere. What matters most is that all of these things get me thinking. I find myself asking, How could you improve yourself, Ev’Yan? How could you change your ways of thinking so that you can be happy & natural & free spirited? What would it take for you to not worry so much, to be more sure of yourself, to believe in yourself? & because of these questions — that never manage to get answered — I am able to at least see what path I should take. & that, of course, is better than nothing.
Borrow A Page From the French Girl’s Book: Discretion
Think before you speak. Leave some things unsaid. Respect secrets, Consider your life your personal currency — & invest it wisely. Resist the impulse to turn over other people’s stones. Cultivate the art of saying No with mindfulness. Make decisions from your own center. Be wary of shoulds. Exercise deliberateness in all decisions. Stay on the high road but make room for compassion. Bring unconventional wisdom into your life. Go gently against the grain.
on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 at 2:28 pm:
i might have to give this read a try. sounds like a lot of fun!
on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 4:03 am:
Hi Apricot, just stopping in from 20 somethings - I love this post, so relevant to what I’m doing right now (trying to become french in Paris) and a good example of why I’m not succeeding very well so far: I’m hanging onto my innate Englishness! Thanks, I’ll be back to read more xMarianne
on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 6:34 am:
I love the feeling when something comes along and ignites inspiration. Use this inspiration as a means of evolution and always strive to become that confident free spirit you want to be.
Sorry to sound like a cheezy hallmark card or lame commencement speech but self a discovery journey is one of the best things in life. Ok… I’m done now. Have a great one! ;)
on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 7:33 am:
Je suis heureux que vous identifiiez avec ce livre à tant de niveaux ! Quant aux autres niveaux, truquez-le jusqu’à ce que vous le fassiez, fille !
on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 2:57 pm:
@ Anna: it’s a lovely book. I highly recommend it. :]
@ Marianne: thank you so much for stopping by my little diary. :] I paged through your own blog & I love it! I will continue to be an avid reader.
@ Aaron: thank you, Oh wise one. ;] I appreciate your complex thoughts.
@ Natalie: I’m sorry, my dear, but contrary to popular belief, I don’t speak French. Translate?
on Thursday, June 5th, 2008 at 4:06 pm:
I’m happy that you identify with this book on so many levels! As for the other levels, fake it until you make it, girl!
;DDDD
on Saturday, June 7th, 2008 at 11:19 pm:
Just an idea. I too am anal about defacing my books, I hate dog-earing books, or drawing in them.
So I either write parts that really hit home with me in my personal journal. And I also have another book, which I’ve entitled my book of plagurism, which is filled with quotes, from books, songs, shows, with the show, song, book and page number afterwards.
on Sunday, June 8th, 2008 at 6:19 pm:
I am now interested enough to read this book…..