Monday, May 19th, 2008
T-shirt from American Apparel, courtesy of trendyblanks; rolled up shorts (previously pants) from thrift store; tights from H&M; shoes from DSW; necklace from my Nona & bracelets are miscellaneous.
I was conflicted as to what I should wear today (looking at my ridiculously, disgustingly bulging closet, it’s obvious to see why). Being that it’s a bit cooler today — or so I thought before stepping out into the blistering heat — I decided to wear my tights, since I love the tights/shorts combo. Turns out, I may end up changing into something a little bit more breezy. It’s not as cool as I had once thought.
But look at that closet. Look at its bulge. Look at its thickness. I should really be ashamed of myself, but I feel more accomplished than guilty. Which is even more reason to feel ashamed of myself. In my defense, I’d like to say that this isn’t all my fault. My mother, whom I visited this past weekend, has 3 — yes, one, two, three — closets full of clothes, shoes, purses & jackets. & her lover? Only 1/4 of that said closet space belongs to him. I called Lover in to see her closets, telling him that he should be thankful that I haven’t let it get this out of hand. I think after seeing my mother’s wardrobe he isn’t as quick to judge my selective display of clothing.
I, personally, am quite proud of my mother for using her fashion intuition & having such a delightful selection to choose from. Now that I know that my little clothing habits are some what inherited, I don’t feel quite as guilty.
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Tank top & black bra from American Apparel; shorts were a giveaway from my Aunt years ago (it’s amazing that I can still manage to fit some of the same shorts I wore when I was in highschool); sandals are from Ross; jewelry is from many different places.
My God, it’s bloody hot outside. So hot that I can’t even think straight. So hot that my creativity in my outfits has diminished. Most of my outfits will look rather plain & simple for the next few days. Maybe a little longer if this weather doesn’t change. Quite frankly, it’s much to hot & dry out to layer cute clothes, even if they are flimsy; it’s too hot to do anything, really.
By 8 o’clock this morning, it was already in the 80s. I went grocery shopping at 10am, hoping to beat the heat. No such luck. It was already in the 90s. Imagine that. No escaping the sun unless you lock yourself up in the house, draw the shades, sit in nothing but your underthings & pour ice all over your body to give you goosebumps, hoping to remind yourself that they (the goosebumps) still exist.
Right now I am grateful for air conditioners. I am thankful for hardwood floors that somehow manage to keep the heat out. I am thankful for mini skirts & short-shorts. I am thankful for flimsy tops from American Apparel & flip flops. I am thankful for short haircuts (!!!). I am thankful for outfits so simple that a monkey could put them together, blind folded with his arms tied behind his back. The best thing about having plain pieces is that you can spend more time dressing them up with accessories: scarves, necklaces, bracelets, hats. I love that.
Thursday, May 15th, 2008
My Lover is terribly attractive, of course, but there are many men out there that are neck & neck with my delectable husband. I feel that is very hard to come by, considering my husband literally makes me weak in the knees. When I first saw a picture of him (we met online of all places) my heart orgasmed & then my body followed. I am not making this up; just thinking about it gives me the chills all over again.
Nevertheless — & returning the topic back to something a bit more appropriate & ladylike — observe these dangerously handsome men (Lover aside) & please be still, my beating heart.
I bet that they look good on the dance floor…
^Ben Gibbard from Death Cab for Cutie, because of his beautiful poetry.
^Brandon Boyd from Incubus, because of his gorgeous voice.
^Gael GarcÃa Bernal, because… well, just look at him.
^Jim Caviezel because… he’s just dreamy.
^Gregory Peck, because he was devilishly charming back then.
^Heath Legder, because he was amazing in life & was far too young to leave it.
^Benicio Del Toro, for no other reason than him being the ultimate, rugged badass.
^Jake Gyllenhaal, because again… just look at him.
^Johnny Depp, because… he is Johnny Depp.
^Jonathan Rhys Meyers, because he reminds me of Lover, completely. I can’t look at this man without being turned on, & it’s simply because he & Jonathan (my husband) look so much alike. He is my most favorite.
^Jude Law, because he is a sleaze & I can’t help but adore him.
^Melvil Poupaud, because he is enticingly French.
Honorable mentions:
– Wentworth Miller
– Josh Hartnett
– Christian Bale
– Ryan Gosling
– Carey Grant
– Clive Owen
– Shia LaBeouf
I’d better stop before I get myself into a situation that I cannot get out of…
Thursday, May 15th, 2008
Miss Traci Anne listed me to do this little survey. I would imagine that if we were playing tag, she would be running after me, cornering me & laying it on me with a “TAG! You’re it!!!” I was never good at Tag. I could never run fast enough & I was always It. But since I never ran fast enough, I could never tag anyone back. I usually ended up forfeiting. My poor little chicken legs couldn’t take the pressure. Thankfully, I think this is something I can manage.
4 Things I did 10 years ago (1998):
1. I was 10, almost a 11. So I was doing a lot of “kid” things.
2. I had a full head of braids & wore geeky glasses.
3. I stilled played with Barbies with my sister.
4. I was still writing in silly little diaries, even though I didn’t have much to say other than “Dear Diary, Hi. It’s Ev’Yan. How are you? I’m not doing very well because Jarani [my sister] won’t play Pocahontas with me. She makes me so mad. Well, I got to go. Ta-Ta for now! See you later, Alligator! Sorry so sloppy! Write back soon!”
4 Things I did 5 years ago (2003)
1. I was 15, almost 16… & I madly in love with my military (ex)boyfriend.
2. Made “love” for the first time.
3. Decided not to go to a regular high school anymore, & switched to homeschooling.
4. Got my belly button pieced. (Which I took out a few years ago.)
4 Things I did yesterday:
1. Made killer spaghetti. I mean, it tasted good. It didn’t try to kill us.
2. Watched a little BET with Lover, while he exclaimed that it’s illegal for him to watch it because he is white.
3. Went to Target; picked up jalapeño flavored pretzels. I loathe spicy food, but for some reason I was craving it.
4. Argued with Lover about some lettuce, telling them that because they had bugs in it & he washed them off doesn’t mean that it’s safe to eat them. He ate them anyway.
4 TV shows I love to watch:
1. The Amazing Race.
2. Tell Me You Love Me.
3. I Love Lucy.
4. Twilight Zone.
4 Things I love to do:
1. get all dressed up, with no where to go.
2. write about nonsense.
3. taking the long way home while driving.
4. play with Sofie Aiko.
I pass the torch to…
kindredly
sharon at road less traveled
metal three sixty
only slightly neurotic
toujours complexe
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
T-shirt from American Apparel; shorts (previously pants) from Wet Seal long ago; boots from Payless long ago; necklace from a boutique downtown.
It’s back to being sunny & hot here in California. Just days ago, I was bundled up in coats & scarves (it was overcast, gloomy & rainy); now I am scantily clad in shorts & flimsy tees. I shouldn’t have even wore these boots today; they were too confining. I took them off immediately upon coming home from my therapist appointment.
The necklace is a treasure for me. I purchased it in the salon I used to work for. I was immediately attracted to it, because I saw that it was an elephant (apparently, no one knew that it was an elephant until I gushed about it). The retail price was $40, but since I worked there, my discount allowed me 50% off. I told myself that if it was still there in a month, that I would get it. A month later, I purchased it & wore it religiously. I don’t know where the Salon bought their jewelry; they just said they found it “downtown.” But apparently, whomever it was that created this, created it by hand. Someone in the salon told me that it’s hand carved wood. So it’s an original, imagine that!
& poor Sofie Aiko; she did not want to take this picture.
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Last night, while trying to sleep in a cold, empty bed, I dreamt of a Porsche. Apparently it was my father’s & he gave it to me as a sort of “hush-hush” gift. I was so pleased with this present that it didn’t even matter that it wasn’t genuinely given; he wanted me to be his friend again, but I tricked him into thinking that I cared. I took the car willingly & sped around LA in it, gloating in my shiny new car, watching men drool as I drove past. Lover was in the passenger seat, telling me to “slow the fuck down!” but I didn’t listen. I kept exceeding the speed limit. We eventually parked somewhere, where we attempted to make love in it. That was hard to do in a Porsche. We stopped trying & drove home, resuming our physical activities in a rather large apartment that wasn’t ours. The bed was soft & squishy. I felt like I was floating & sinking at the same time. Lover got lost in all the pillows & we whispered sweet nothings to each other until I fell asleep, which means that I woke up from my dream.
The other night (nearly a week ago) I dreamt that I was running around doing nonsensical errands around town in nothing but a tanktop. I was pant-less, panty-less & I had no idea. I was walking around in this warehouse, picking out wine for a dinner party Lover & I were having. People were whispering behind my back; guys were whistling & children were asking questions (”Mommy, what is THAT?!”) I didn’t notice anything unusual… it’s like my mind programmed itself into thinking that I was wearing pants & panties. I could even feel fabric on my legs, but nothing was there. Finally, someone tapped me on a shoulder — it was a old woman, of all people — & whispered, “My dear, you haven’t any trousers on!” I just laughed whimsically, thinking this lady was delusional. But as soon as she pointed out that I wasn’t wearing any bottoms, that’s when the fabric feeling went away. I looked down & — oh my god! — I wasn’t wearing any panties! My face must have said it all, because that’s when this crowd of people started laughing, pointing & slapping their knees. I dropped 2 very expensive bottles of wine, grabbed a basket on the way out & tried to shield myself with it. I ran to my car… but it wasn’t there. I reached for my purse, but it wasn’t there either. I turned around to look for a person to ask if I could borrow their cellphone, but no one was there. There was nothing. No cars, no people, no commotion. Just me, standing half nude in the middles of the street. I then I started to cry.
Monday, May 12th, 2008
Friday afternoon, I made a purchase on Trendy Blanks, a place that sells blank American Apparel items in bulk. My order contained 21 items & I got them wholesale; also, the more I spent, the less the total was. What you are about to see might look crazy, but I assure you, it’s not. I could have gotten a lot more loot from this heavenly place but Lover held me back, saying “no more than $150, Ev’Yan.” He was firm; even when I tried to make him up the price (there are so many wonderful things to get in hundreds of colors!) he kept his foot down. What a smart husband I have.
Ultimately, the grand total came out to $169.39 for 21 items. No, I did not spend almost 170 dollars on things just for me, although it was tempting. Lover allowed me to shop for him, buying whatever I wanted to see on his amazing body, in any color I wished. Quite the highlight of the month for me so far. I got him about a dozen shirts & when he comes home it’ll be a surprise because I didn’t tell him what I got for him. I just hope they fit.
& because American Apparel’s headquarters are in LA — roughly 15 minutes from where I am — it only took one business day. So upon arriving home from Old Town, where I was killing time & doing a teeny amount of shopping (one skirt from H&M, which will be shown here, & black opaque tights, since I keep ripping mine) I looked at the front porch & let out a sound of sheer glee at the sight of my bulky package.
This is an overload; I have trouble keeping up with these pictures myself. A few of the items I purchased aren’t shown here because they are either underthings or they haven’t arrived yet. I’ll get the rest of my order tomorrow.
^ striped unisex shirt & olive scarf from AA.
^ tanktop from AA, supporting my boobs wonderfully & a darling skirt from H&M.
^ deep V-neck from AA.
^ black bra & peach muscle tank from AA.
^ cranberry scarf, black bra & grey tank from AA.
^ grey, deep V neck from AA.
^ apricot sheer tee from AA.
I love everything I purchased, although, some things were a bit too small. I’m hoping that I can send them back to get larger sizes. With me having gained some weight, I am noticing a shift in my sizes. Which is a wonderful feat for me. But I do wish my chicken legs would fill out a bit more.
& as cute as that H&M skirt is, I am starting to feel a little buyer’s remorse. Lover might not be too happy about me putting more clothes in my already bulging closet. I really should be ashamed of myself.
Monday, May 12th, 2008
Lover has left for a business-like trip a few towns away from here. He’ll just be gone over night & will return Tuesday evening, but I am already dreading staying here alone, sleeping in that big bed all by myself. I am already missing him. We have never spent a night alone since we’ve lived here, which is days away from being a year, matter of fact. I can tell that these next 2 days will be spent with the television on for comfort & I’ll be texting Lover profusely, bothering him & telling him how much I miss & love him.
As pathetic as this time will be for me, I am going to make it a point to spend some much needed “me” time, thinking about how my life is going, (fear is still popping up now & again, keeping me from doing the things I want) pleasuring myself at the thought of my husband, & maybe… do a little browsing around the city. Unfortunately, there are no good movies playing now — in my opinion — or else I would indulge in a few matinées.
More than likely, a lot of writing will be done here; if only to kill time & abandon my lonely thoughts somewhere.
