Thursday, April 17th, 2008
please don’t generalize my husband.
I read this article yesterday afternoon, called The Wife’s Bill of Rights. I found it amusing & I sent it to Lover via instant message for him to read at work. I sent it partially to give him a good laugh & then partially to do a little “hint-hinting” just in case there was something, anything, that he was possibly confused about. Fortunately for me, Lover is very in the know about women (he has 4 sisters, after all) & he reads me very well, considering how hard I try to make it difficult for him & how much I try to convince him & myself that I am a mystery. This reigns true for some — maybe even many — but for my husband, he knows me very, very well. I am still coming to terms with this, for I haven’t decided if this is a good thing or a bad thing just yet.
I picked up Lover from work that evening & he told me he enjoyed the article, but he was disgusted with the way they portrayed men in The Husband’s Bill of Rights. I hadn’t seen it, so later that night I took a gander at it myself. I, too, was appalled at the list. I couldn’t even bring myself to read the actual explanations of the amendments; I simply read the titles & that was enough to leave me irking for the rest of the night. I am sure there are men out there who fit that criteria (I dated a few in the past), but not all men are like that. They can’t be. If they are, then I refuse to believe it! Even in the wife’s list, I felt like most of them were fairly accurate in reference to myself, but I will not try to convince myself that all women are like that. They can’t be! Everyone is different. & I considered it sheer coincidence that most of those “amendments” looked a bit like me. Not completely, but just slightly. I started to wonder why is it that there are labels on men & women? Why is it that men are portrayed as Barbarians, who fart & belch & glue themselves to the television set because of The Game being on? Who drink beer & swoon over big boobed blondes in Porn? Books, magazines, movies, television shows, commercials; all of these things make men out to be these horrible, burly, annoying monsters. Rulers of the world who are all things masculine & scream, “real men don’t cry.” Again, there are some men out there who are like this… but anyone who believes that the majority of men possess these traits must be brainwashed.
In the midst of this anger & disappointment regarding the article, I was feeling deeply grateful for scoring such a wonderful, unconventional, out-of-this-world in an alien sort of way, kind of a husband. When I first met Lover, I kept waiting for him to transform into that shameful list of amendments mentioned above (I tend to call those kinds of men “Cocks” in a derogatory way.) & when he didn’t I thought that he had to have been Gay. Yes… I thought he was Gay. How else could it have been explained? He was so calm & caring & gentle. He was very compassionate & sensitive, yet strong & intelligent (matter of fact, he still is all of those things & then some). I was in disbelief, as though I stumbled across a new model of the latest technology; They actually make them like this now?! By George, this is genius! Amazing! I exaggerate not; ask my husband if you don’t believe me. There have been many times — & there are many more to come, I’m sure — where I would ask him what planet he is from, or if he’s telling me everything about his past; could he have been abducted by aliens? Maybe he was raised by a group of spiritual Monks in solitude & silence. Maybe he is a recovering amnesiac & is developing a new life after a traumatic fall, thus the reason he is so peaceful & open-hearted. This is not to say that he doesn’t burp, belch & act like a caveman at times. He has this way about him, of course, but he is still a Man, after all! But… in the way that the amendment list described men — as brash, insensitive, one dimensional, rough & tough, heartless, self-reliant, despicable, “it’s my way, or the highway, baby!” kind of… jerks — Lover does not fit the criteria. It’s good… & it’s thought-provoking.
I have schemed, I have pressed, I have made assumptions & I have bothered the hell out of Lover to make me understand why he is the way he is & how! All he can muster, while trying not to blush, is “I am just me. I always have been.” Even the way he says that sentence… it’s so smooth, so natural. He is so very thoughtful & intuitive. He reminds me so much of Christian in Moulin Rouge. Or… Matthew in Wicker Park. He finds beauty in everything around him.
Truthfully, I didn’t mean to turn this entry into a swoon session regarding my husband. I really wanted to rant & rave about these stupid generalizations that are made about men (& women!) & maybe start a rally or a movement, or something, on how we should all stop this madness! But my Lover has complete hold over me, even when he is not here. He distracts me in this way, unintentionally (although, when he is trying to distract me intentionally, he fails). He holds me in the palms of my hands, shapes & sculpts me in whichever way he wants… & I let him, because I love the idea of him making me a better woman for him & for the world. There is no one I admire more than my husband. His charisma is something that can only be described in inarticulate fractions of words… what I mean by this is that he has this “je ne sais quoi” (I don’t know what) about him. & it is so severe, so mind-boggling that you cannot even try to elaborate it with words.
He is the only one on Earth, other than my Mother, that has this beauty about him.
(NOTE: I would love to hear opinions about this, if you have them. I want to know what you think about the generalizations that society makes about men, women & even children! I find it hard to believe that I am the only one outraged by it…)
on Thursday, April 17th, 2008 at 5:37 pm:
I remember feeling lucky in the most unfair way possible (and I LOVED it!) bc my hubby didn’t fit into those articles that warned you about the typical man and how annoyed he supposedly always is with his wife. I totally understood the swooning :) bc I did it too
but of course!
After you’ve had your fill of .. those guys, you appreciate your hubby tenfold.
You had me laughing bc you remind me so much of myself
I had asked hubby “Look.. you seem like a great guy - you really do. You’re gorgeous, your smart.. you’re funny.. so.. what’s wrong with you?”
He was rather taken aback
I remember WAITING for it to show..
but Ev, gay? lol poor guy
ok
you know what generalization bugged me to NO end?
everytime I watched a show or heard comments from “the guys” after we got married, I realized that we wives have a reputation for being a nag. I hate that word. lol I really just truly do. My husband wasnt so bad but some guys need a damn messenger service every other hour. just saying!
lol I agreed with that wife’s bill of rights :) I like
oh and
LMAO I’d like to think I’m a mystery too! But hubby read me better than I read myself.. damn him. I kid you not.. it used to freak me out
on Thursday, April 17th, 2008 at 6:20 pm:
@ jemi: ughh, I hate that word “nag” too. It’s just ugly sounding because it sounds like what it means. ;/ I do the best I can not to nag (eww) jonathan, but it can be hard when he sometimes needs a little push in the right direction.
That is what it should be called: a push in the right direction. :]
on Thursday, April 17th, 2008 at 6:33 pm:
I feel like your relationship is too sacred for me to comment on, but i’m going to anyway: it’s just beautiful.
But ughhhhhhhhhh. I really, reallyy hate stereotypes! I hate them so much! I despise it even more when people perpetuate them.
The men in my family have always been feminists, so they’re not gross, for the most part (well actually my father is pretty much completely gross…but not my brother!).
Haha, nagging sucks, but did you know that a little bit of nagging (to go to the doctor and get his prostate exam) can save your husband’s life? I dont know, I read an article on it. :/ Pretty lame assessment, but sometimes it’s true, people need to be nagged. Just a bit, is all.
:D
Um, I can cook some things, but that’s it. It’s just not my passion! XD
oh, and LOL @ “They actually make them like this now?!”
on Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 4:03 am:
me and tay have had a lot of conversations on that subject actually. he grew up with two older brothers who are just. plain. awful. i mean, they are jsut not good human beings let alone men. i’m also very fortunate to have found mine :)
i havent read that mens bill of rights and im not going to. i’ve read enough enraging things for one day i think.
on Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 9:44 am:
That’s crazy about Jurnee… :) thanks for stopping by the blog i’ll have to check out yours!
on Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 1:37 pm:
Man those “bill of rights” are sort of crazy. Don’t really know how I feel about them, but hey, it’s fun to read anyways.
on Friday, April 18th, 2008 at 3:30 pm:
@ Natalie: aw, thank you. :] & you know, you’re right; nagging can be affective. But it’s still an ugly word.
@ Cri: yes, I don’t blame you. ;/
@ margot: no problem. :] I hope you enjoy what you read!
@ katelin: they give you a little laugh here & there, but when you really sit back & think about it, it’s kind of nuts.