At this moment, I must be honest & say that I do not know what to write about today. Not yet, at least. But something happened last night that jolted me quite a bit. Lover says that I always have the most interesting things happen to me; I have to agree. Even though I will get nothing but sadness from writing this, I feel it is worth mentioning.
Last night, I was on my way to picking up my husband from work. Around 5pm, but not quite on the hour. I am a very safe driver — or so I think — so I am always trying to make fast but conscious decisions while I am on the road. Coming towards a stop light, I noticed upcoming traffic in the lane that I was in. So I signaled, looked over my shoulder to avoid missing my blind spot & merged into the far right lane.
Literally seconds later, I heard a tremendous ruckus. It sounded as though a big metal trash can was lifted & then dropped to the ground. Still at the red light, I looked over my left shoulder to see what on earth that noise was. What I saw frightened me: a car had plowed itself into another car, creating a chain reaction that involved a van, 2 other sedans & a bus. It didn’t even try to stop. I saw glass & debris all over the pavement. I was bewildered; was that a car accident? I didn’t hear screeching tires or a horn. All I heard was a thud, a crash & then saw the debris spilling onto the pavement.
Behind me, though, I could see the car that had gotten plowed into. It was smashed completely. The light turned green, but I was still trying to understand what had just happened. I was close to turning around & seeing if everything was alright; maybe there was something I could do in that moment. But, I continued driving to Lover’s work.
When I finally arrived, I told him what I thought had happened. He seemed concerned, but I think we were both hopeful that it was a simple fender-bender & nothing more than that. I drove back in the direction of the accident — which was really about 10 minutes later, maybe less — & they had closed off the entire intersection. There were dozens of police cars & fire trucks & ambulances. Stretchers were out & you could see the medics moving quickly. I gasped. It was horrific. I wanted to get nosy, but I was already jolted at the fact that that could have been me. After all, I was in that lane just seconds before the accident but something prompted me to switch. Why? I kept asking myself this as I drove home. Lover grasped my hand tightly & told me how much he loved me. He said “you are meant to be alive right now.” A shiver went down my spine; even now that I write about it, I am getting goosebumps at the thought.
Upon returning home, I turned on the news, hoping to catch a glimpse of some sort of “breaking news” update. I missed it on 2 channels, due to the distractions of kissing Lover & asking him how his day went. I am not complaining at that. I did try to research online about it, but I couldn’t find anything. Certainly they wouldn’t have a full story on something that had just happened 20 minutes ago. In the end, I decided that surely there would be something the next morning about the accident. Reluctantly, I gave up the search fro details, but I still kept thinking about it over & over.
So… while enjoying a cup of coffee, I went here & read grimly. There aren’t much details about what happened, but at least 3 dozen people were involved & 3 people were seriously injured. All I can think right now is that could have been me, as morbid of a thought that is. I remember seeing the van & the bus; I passed them right before I changed lanes. If I would have stayed in that lane, my car would have been the one that got plowed into. I didn’t sleep well (again) last night. Also, I have a habit of watching the most wretched things on television before sleeping [the show Intervention on A&E]. My mind was wandering for hours before I actually went to sleep because of it.
When I kissed Jonathan good-bye this morning, I kept thinking that I shouldn’t be here today. I was a few seconds away from being in the hospital with the other victims. That kiss was one of the sweetest I have ever given him. & at that moment, I thanked God for being with me in that moment.
All I can do now is sigh. I don’t know what else to do other than that.